instarsia

i have nothing witty to say.....


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and the wind blew through her hair on that warm chicago day....she looked up at the sky and wondered....will today be the day? you know....the one...where it all just stops....tick tock. tick tock. nope.

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i've been feeling very scattered lately.

like one part of my life is ending and another is just beginning. its a very akward time to be in.

like i feel myself growing up all the way.

its strange.
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IT STARTS......


...so please don't ask me how
i ended up at my wits end and breaking down.
pages torn from books we never read,
cause we're plugged into this grid.
don't pull this plug right now,
or then we really have to live.


its like this. even though i wanted to die, life was much simpler back then...even a year ago when i wanted to claw my way out of my own skin.....things were simpler.

i knew who i loved, i knew who i hated....

hell...i even knew who i had both feelings for at the same time.

now i dont know who to trust.

and i dont think i trust anyone completely.

except maybe you.

yeah.... you....


when i die, will they remember not
what i did, but what i haven't done.
it's not the end, that i fear with each breathe.
it's life that scares me to death...


i have this wreched habit of fucking things up.

lets not sugar coat it. it happens.

i hurt people, and for the most part, i'm pretty un apologetic about it. except when it really stings. then it kills me.

(i'm actually experiencing remorse, though some of you may not believe it...for things which have transpired over the last year)

take it.

run with it.

hell will thaw out overnight and things will be as they once were. cold. lonely. and painful.

when we built these dreams on sand,
how they all slipped through our hands.
and this might be our only chance.
let's take this one day at a time,
i'll hold your hand if you hold mine.
the time that we kill keeps us alive.


i used to have friends.

i dunno what happened to them all.

probably alot of what was mentioned in the above paragraph.

i have enough now that i can count them on afew fingers, and thats it.

i'm taking applications. have your resume on my desk by monday.


your words won't save me now.
i'm at the edge feeling the sweat drip from my brow.
get a grip on yourself is what they say,
every hour every day.
hands over my ears,
I'VE BEEN SCREAMING ALL THESE YEARS!

beating me had against a brick wall.

trying to understand you. yeah. you. all of you.

with your beady eyes and your funny looking little quirks.

how do you all work?

and why am i not like you?

i'm not comfortable in my own skin.

i'm fragile.

i'm broken,

and if you ever point that out i'll kill you till you die....

WE CAME IN SEARCH OF ANSWERS!
WE LEFT EMPTY HANDED AGAIN!
SHOTS FIRED INTO THE SKY...
ARE NOW RETURNING!
WHERE THE FUCK WILL YOU HIDE!
from the laughter in the closet, some alive
but the door hinges are squeaking letting in thin shards of light.
and now our hands extending outward,
quiet comfort they invite,
and do we dare take what they offer?
do we step into the light?

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FIN