WOW...so many awesome old faces.
I'm still poking around saying hi to people...so if i missed you, I'm not ignoring you..I PROMISE...i just haven't had time to get there yet.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be 26. I wish i could say that this time of year was awesome, and wonderful...etc....like everyone else, but I'm such a Grinch. Because of things in my life which have consistently happened, the holidays and my birthday especially are hard for me.
The live journal entry i just made was an angry letter to the birthday gods.
I've copy/pasted it under the spoiler if you wanna laugh at the rampant sarcasm and pathetic...if not, just leave me an awesome comment. It will make my day infinitely better.
Behold...my letter to the angry birthday gods.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Dear Assholes,
Okay. I surrender. Its not funny anymore. I still had hope that this time of year was salvageable. I was hoping that my birthday would someday bring fond memories of cake, and happy time without people dying and/or getting their legs blown off...or fired...or...thrown in jail.
I was hoping that somehow it would end...not with me spraying for cockroaches, or building a fence...going to a funeral/hospital/or cleaning brains out of my favorite skirt (yes that was a red letter year).
But no.
You see fit to torment me every year.
Last year it was getting screamed at with no gifts (save a gift card from Cheech) and quitting a job where i was told how worthless and ugly i was all the time (only to go directly into another job like that). Oh yeah. i find out a few days later that one of my dearest friends had his legs blown off on that day and was in critical condition back stateside.
...the year before?
Kidney stone. Bedridden, peeing blood. Oh...AND RYAN WAS IN JAIL, calling me crying everyday and telling me how painful his life was and why i should just leave (note to self...he was right, but you are a stubborn ass).
The year before..i was with Dale, and he decided to leave me alone on my birthday for a week...to go down to Evansville (without me) and have sex repeatedly with his ex...and call me drunk, tell me about it IN DETAIL...with her giggling and drunkenly kissing on him in the background...taunting me...and point out WHY IT WAS MY FAULT.
Before that...it was the lovely string of suicides....people close to me...or relatively close to me...who all knew each other becoming morbidly depressed...and killing themselves...one by one...on the same day.
I can go on and on...all the way back to when i was 12.
As i get older, the dramatic effect lessens, the amount of god awful lessens...but it never really goes away.
This year, you spread it out over a few days...though i must admit, the hives are a nice touch.
I'm done. I give up. I will no longer have any false sense of hope that my birthday will ever be normal.
I'm spending this year in my new house...with hives...and no appliances yet (for the last week) because i need to wash down the walls, and do some obsessive cleaning, and basic repair work.
It will be a relatively calm year i suppose...
Last night however...I used a different shampoo in the shower and now have painful hives. The bottle said it was corn free. I paid a ton of money because it was supposed to be safe.
I look like a tomato. After calling the company, it was apparently shipped in a corn cob....like a lot of lotions and shampoos are. The FDA has deemed that this does not have to be labeled. Certain parts of my anatomy are more swollen than others (because they are more sensitive), and part of my allergic reaction is that i get horrid headaches and painful blisters on my hands and feet. This, of course, as you can imagine, is HIGHLY conducive to cleaning.
To be fair to all of you reading this, i must say...
It's never the people in my life who really love me that make the birthday bad. Most of you, usually don't forget, and consistently, the people who matter, have always tried to help me over the birthday curse hump. I have amazing friends and family. We have banded together to rage against the tantrum of the birthday gods...
Only to be amazed at how it repeatedly happens in increasingly creative and pathological ways.
To all of you...i say...this is not your fault. You all have tried repeatedly to help me break out of this...only to come back every year with the "WTF" look on your face. I love you all. You are wonderful and I am infinitely grateful for all of you.
This year...if you want to see me, I'll be at my new place. The cell phone will be on. I will be answering. My family is making me dinner as usual, but that should take very little time.
I'm not interested in going to the bar, or doing anything huge.
All i'm asking this year -
Please, make sure everyone stays alive.
I know you, birthday Gods, won't let me have a good birthday...any hope of that went away this A.M. with the hives, blisters, and headache.
Thank you...you persistent sons of bitches.
Oh....and SCRUBS season 7 would be nice as well.
Your faithful chew toy,
Lex
