instarsia

Its the first friday in Lent, and let me tell you how i loathe fish (because i live in indiana. there is no flipping ocean here).

I usually try and just keep vegetarian on fridays during lent...but my friend tried to make me some Lunch (fish) his brother made a tuna casserole (which was horrible) then his mom made some baked fish for dinner. Truthfully, i'd rather just eat a salad..but its been like peas and stuff i dont eat normally...and so i've been fasting even more than normal.

On ash wednsday i'm glad i didnt go to service till the evening because like...Last year some woman came up and started rubbing the ashes offmy forehead and telling me had dirt on my face...i asked her to stop and explained that i was Catholic and she glared at me and walked off...lol.

Most people dont understand Old world Ritualistic religions...especially over here. I dont usually write on religion, but I thought it befitting of this time of year. I have alot of friends who are Christian, at least in name...afew who are devout...and most of my Catholic school friends are away still in Grad School or are not practicing anymore for personal reasons. But my Christian friends (not my Catholic Christian friends) are always interesting to me. Because we believe essentially the same things, but we practice them totally different. Its kind of funny to me..because i have friends who were essentially told from birth how evil catholics are...my city used to at one point be entirely run by the KKK, and there is still a very strong anti-catholic sentiment there..especially amongst the baptist church congregations. One pastor was even telling his congregation that Catholic priests slept with the bride before the groom on her wedding night..and that we encouraged cannibalism and held satanic services where we did sex rites before the godless statues of the virgin mary. My fathers associates dad just calls us filthy fish eating witches. *blinks* yes people have said this stuff to me. to my face. its interesting. I can remember walking to school and having people throw rocks at us because their parents told tem we were subhuman mud and evil sorcerers.

So needless to say, i've got kind of an appreciation for my faith...i havent always, and i've definately looked around and studied many other things, but...this is my home. I went to catholic school for 12 years, And was a cradle Catholic, much like most of us are. We tend to mate with each other and breed little catholics. It happens. I dunno...i know that alot of you arent going to understand this.

these are kind of cute and i got a good chuckle out of them.
----------Reasons why people think we're "crazy"---------

- We like to keep Mass interesting. We sit, stand and kneel, in no particular order. Probably just to keep the blood flowing.

- It's not merlot and Ritz they're serving; it's the Flesh and Blood of Jesus. No, really.

- Forget a big meal afterwards, just pick up some of the breakfast tacos they're always selling after Mass

- Purgatory.

- We all have 20 cousins. On each side of the family.

- Infant Baptism isn't dumb; it's after-life insurance.

- $5.00 in the collection basket is the epitome of generosity. Anything more than that, someone has just hit the lottery.

- A missal is a book, not a weapon. However, it has been known to pull double duty.

- The signs we make aren't just a mark of respect, they're a lot of fun to do.

- Every Catholic Guy tries to sit next the really hot girl they like at Mass. THis is because they really want to hug during "Peace Be With You" and hold hands for the "Our Father"

- We really like statues. A lot.

- After every confession, everyone hits themselves on the head. This is because they have realized that they forgot that really big sin, and they know that it'll hang over their head til the next time.

- Contraceptives? Why?

- Altar boys continue well into their twenties.

- The 14 Stations has nothing to do with TV.

- "Peace Be With You" is just a way to meet pretty girls.

- We've always been taught that celibacy til marriage is the only way to go, forever and ever, amen. That being said...

- "Sin on Saturday. Pray on Sunday. Confess on Monday".

- The Mass doesn't start for a few minutes not because of tardy parisihioners. It's because the priest is running late.

- The Virgin Mary is not a God and we don't treat her as such. But she is without sin, gave birth to Jesus and did it without having sex. That warrants more than a little respect.

- 11:00 a.m. Mass means 11:15.

- We actually get all the jokes in Dogma.

- There are two very different, irreconcilable factions in every single church in the world. They are known as the Saturday or Sunday Mass bunch.

- St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. SNAKES.

- John Paul II's death was as important to you as losing a family member.

- Bake Sales are a way of life.

- Your knees are more calloused than your feet.

- Priests have been giving us alcohol since we were little kids. No wonder any one of us can drink Protestants under the table.

- The Catholic way of dealing with a mid-life crisis is having another kid.

- Mass is nearly unchanged after almost 2000 years. We're a little stubborn.

- Catholic School Girls.

- Whatever you gave up for Lent, you have it in your hands at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, counting the seconds til midnight.

- The Catholic Our Father is different. And longer. And better.

- Episcopalians are referred to as "Diet Catholics"

- You either love or hate the Stations of the Cross. There is no middle ground.

- We all know Da Vinci code is bogus and inaccurate. Yet we'll still read it if nothing else is goin on.

- "Offer it up!" = "Quit bitching!"

- We have Midnight Mass so there are no interruptions on Christmas morning

- You've slipped out an Amen after the Pledge of Allegiance.

- Holy Water can kill just about anything. So Protestants are pretty much screwed if a vampire comes calling.

- There's no way to explain it, but Catholic girls are just scorching hot.

- There's no need for impromptu prayer; you can always fall back on the Rosary.

- Pope Benedict XVI scares you. Badly.

- It's not uncommon for just one family to take up an entire pew or two.

- Boondock Saints is the greatest movie ever. E-Ver.

- Confession. Enough said.

- You're of the opinion that Stephen Colbert should be Canonized.

- When in doubt, say a Hail Mary.

- Who created Family Guy? Oh yeah, a Catholic!

- Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says "May the Force Be With You", we get the urge to say "And Also With You"

- The Pope does indeed wear a funny hat. But it's way more interesting than Joel Osteen's suit and tie.

- If you see a guy leaning forward, looking half-dead with his head on the pew in front of him... he's not praying. He's hungover and was guilted into coming to Mass anyway.

- Even though you never met her or been to a country she's been in, you're still willing to have "seen" a miracle by Mother Theresa.

- We're the oldest Christian religion. Period.


this one gave me a little chuckle as well.

You know you're Catholic when...

1. ...every time you go into your pantry you feel a strange compulsion to cross yourself and say, Bless me Father, for I have sinned...

2. ...guilt is your best friend, and you feel obligated to share it with others.

3. ...You genuflect before entering your seat at the theater.

4. ....if you only crave hamburgers and steaks on Fridays during lent and you crave fish every other day in Lent...just never on Fridays.

5. ...if you sneak into protestant churches, sprinkle holy water, and hide blessed medals.

6. ...you can only recite the Creed when around large groups of people.

7. ...you make the sign of the cross when you pass in front of a Catholic church.

8. ...you hear the Angelus bells and begin saying the Angelus to yourself.

9. ...just about every special interest group in the country hates your guts.

10. ...you have an overwhelming compulsion to say, "And also with you," when Yoda says, "May the Force be with you."

11. ...someone says they're going to KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) and you think they are going to bingo at the K of C.

12. ...someone asks you your favorite Madonna song and you say Hail Holy Queen.

13. ...you hide anti-Catholic books in the library and bookstore behind other books on the shelf.

14. ...you have to remember which bottle has the holy water and which bottled has the water for drinking.

15. ...you know how to process, keeping two pews between you and the person in front, keeping lined up with your partner, walking without bobbing or swaying, and you genuflect on graduation day when you get to your seat.

16. ...you know at least 5 sins that can be committed against each of the 10 commandments.

17. ...you pray a Hail Mary when you hear a fire truck or ambulance siren.

18. ...all your children have saint names instead of names chosen from celebrities.

19. ...You have a rosary hanging from your dash.

20. ...you have a holy water fountain at your door and a religious picture and crucifix in every room.

21. ...your son calls home after being gone and the first thing you ask is have you been attending Mass.

22. one of your crucifixes has five years worth of dried out palms stuck behind it.

23. ...they know you at every Catholic bookstore in the area, and ask you where you've been if you haven't stopped by in a while.

24. ...you measure your life by the number of Popes who have come and gone.

25. after making the Sign of the Cross at the start of the Rosary, you say "Bless us O Lord and these Thy gifts..."

26. ...you spend the first five minutes of the day untangling your scapular from your Miraculous Medal.

27. ...you have a St. Christopher medal in you car.

28. you know more than 15 recipes for preparing tuna fish.

29. you refer to other religions as "Non-Catholic".

30. ...you carry prayer cards in your purse or wallet.

31. ...You know a family whose every daughter has Mary, or every son has John Paul either as the first or middle name.

32. ...your coworkers point out that you have something on your face and as they go to wipe it off for you, you duck and scream, "No, theyre my ashes!!"

33. ...you know when Advent and Lent begin and what day is Easter.




And for you Generation X-ers

You know you're a Gen-X Catholic when...

34. ...one of your earliest memories of Mass involves watching four teenage girls with long, straight hair strumming guitars.

35. ...one of your earliest memories of Mass involves watching four teenage boys with long, straight hair strumming guitars.

36. ...there were more felt banners bearing hippy slogans in your parish church than statues.

37. ...you never understood why the priest kept rearranging everything and removing things from the church all the time: statues, confessionals, kneelers, etc.

38. ...you wondered why some of the old ladies put doilies on their heads in church. What was that all about?

39. ...you think an historic church is one with kneelers.

40. ...Friday was "hamburger night" at your house.

41. ...you were a girl altar server in the 70's or 80's, and didn't realize that you were breaking the rules.

42. ...growing up, you only knew of one family that used NFP...and they were Presbyterians.

43. ...in all your years of Catholic school, you never had a nun for a teacher. Oh, and ruler? What on earth are you talking about?

44. ...you heard older people talking about a "Baltimore Catechism", but you never actually saw one.

45. ...Seven Cardinal what???

46. ...your 9th grade religion class included learning the Our Father and the Hail Mary, because most of the kids in class didn't know those two prayers.

47. ...you've heard the words "Benediction" and "Vespers" but aren't really sure what they mean. But you can sing the sappy Kumbaya and On Eagles Wings with no problem.

48. ...you wonder why some people receive communion on the tongue.

49. ...you think Extreme Unction is a new professional wrestling show on TV.

[Drumroll for the best ... ]

50. ...your overall religious instruction left you with impression the only mortal sin was first degree murder and/or judgmentalism: everything else is venial and therefore irrelevant.

All of that aside. thanks for reading if you did.

I go on little tangents sometimes.

xo xo xo