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innocentmind

Miami, FL

Member Since 2005

Followers 44 Following 32

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Tuesday Jun 05, 2007

Jun 5, 2007
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Someone I just recently started talking to online wanted me to share a story to show him why I think I have Asperger. He seemed skeptical, which most people are at first. That used to bother me, but now I'm always happy to patiently explain. I'm secure in my Aspieness and will only explain if people ask me to, since it's not always relevant. Here's what I said...........


Oh, the perfectionism has nothing to do with AS. That's just a separate personality trait! I got it from my mom.

Something that recently happened was when I traveled to Utah to visit my family for just 3 days and came home again. Because of the quick shifts in surroundings, I became very, very upset. I was down and anxious at the same time, which happens without exception when I travel. That usually passes in a day, fortunately. I'm glad I got my world travels over with when I was a little girl so that, now, I can do whatever I want (which is not doing that so much).

My whole life has demonstrated my Asperger status, although I only discovered the distinction 2 years ago. I had great difficulties making friends in grade school and couldn't be spontaneous in conversations. I was too distracted by the physical movements of their speaking to really digest the content, process it, and come up with good things to say in response. My conversations with people used to be like monologues about my favorite subjects of study. I had to unlearn that one so that I could relate to people more normally and build proper relationships. I often get on the internet and search on a single subject for hours until I get my fill. I'm a walking encyclopedia on some subjects, but I don't show it unless asked or it's fitting to the situation.

I still have lots of pets to keep my company, which is a holdover from more lonely days. I have a hairless cat and just bought 2 hairless guinea pigs on Sunday. (I'm allergic to everything hairy.)

I still deal with sensory integration dysfunction on a daily basis. My mind doesn't filter out sensory stimuli very well, and certain types are downright painful to me. These include fluorescent lights, for which I have to wear specially tinted glasses in the classroom, and screeching car brakes. I have to wear earplugs any time I watch TV because the high pitched buzzing sound from it being on hurts my head. If I go to clubs and there's too much movement and sound at the same time, I'll get overload and have to sit down and close my eyes for a few minutes until I recover.

I have the most sensitive nervous system of anyone I've met. If I have just one sip of regular coffee, I won't sleep that night.

I'll take things that people say too literally sometimes. This happened with my friend last night in the mall when he was telling me what happened at the bar where he bounces. Somebody at the door was being rowdy, so he said as though he were asking that person "What does that sign say?" (Something about no misconduct.) Instead, I looked up at the store we were walking past and said "Windsor." And then I realized what I had just done. Haha. Sometimes, Asperger is amusing.

So, you see, Asperger carries with it fundamentally physical symptoms that lead up to the neurological ones. It's known to have a gut-brain origin. This is why it's easier to be certain about it than the more psychological disorders, which are easy to mistake. I shy away from self-diagnosing personality disorders because it's so easy to see yourself in a biased light.

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