"I realize this is coming out of nowhere, but I just wanted to make sure that you knew. Kathleen Monahan died yesterday."
I've been waiting since friday to write an entry about this. I've been waiting because until today every time I read that message back to myself there was a buzzing sound like a tv tube failing, and all my brain would produce were images of a big, empty field.
"Kathleen Monahan died yesterday."
like white noise.
there's a part of me that knew Kathleen. that part remembers how she introduced me to JET and The Streets, how she was Our Man Inside Durty Nelly's, and how excited I was that she ever even remembered my name. that part wants to mourn the loss.
the other part isn't cooperating. it won't understand or assimilate.
"Kathleen Monahan died yesterday."
it's too close and too strange.
I was somewhat prepared for the loss of my grandmother. it made sense because she was older and very sick. but Kathleen was younger than I was. by 2 years, 1 month, and 14 days. and what's been reported was that she died very suddenly of a heart attack. how does that happen?
I wasn't prepared for the news that my idol had died on wednesday as the result of brain injuries sustained from a fall. but he, too, was much older, and frail.
he was 84 years, 5 months, and 1 day old. we had never met.
Kathleen and I met many times over beers. we hugged. we talked about our likes and dislikes. I knew Kathleen and she was too young and too vital to not still be alive somewhere, doing things. mundane things that will seem hilarious in the retelling. the line seems more to me like the opening line from a book.
"Kathleen Monahan died yesterday."
I wanted to go to the service, but it was held on sunday in Jupiter, Florida. 2,664 miles away. it was an open casket service. I wanted to see her. I thought it would help fill the empty field with something.
I'm not sure what to do, instead. just keep repeating it over and over until it's the Truth; something I've known since I was a kid. a natural fact, inseparable from evaporation, or the formation of the geostrata. the end of the human life cycle.
Kathleen Monahan died. she died suddenly on a thursday, the 12th of April, 2007. she was 22 years, 3 months, and 23 days old.
I've been waiting since friday to write an entry about this. I've been waiting because until today every time I read that message back to myself there was a buzzing sound like a tv tube failing, and all my brain would produce were images of a big, empty field.
"Kathleen Monahan died yesterday."
like white noise.
there's a part of me that knew Kathleen. that part remembers how she introduced me to JET and The Streets, how she was Our Man Inside Durty Nelly's, and how excited I was that she ever even remembered my name. that part wants to mourn the loss.
the other part isn't cooperating. it won't understand or assimilate.
"Kathleen Monahan died yesterday."
it's too close and too strange.
I was somewhat prepared for the loss of my grandmother. it made sense because she was older and very sick. but Kathleen was younger than I was. by 2 years, 1 month, and 14 days. and what's been reported was that she died very suddenly of a heart attack. how does that happen?
I wasn't prepared for the news that my idol had died on wednesday as the result of brain injuries sustained from a fall. but he, too, was much older, and frail.
he was 84 years, 5 months, and 1 day old. we had never met.
Kathleen and I met many times over beers. we hugged. we talked about our likes and dislikes. I knew Kathleen and she was too young and too vital to not still be alive somewhere, doing things. mundane things that will seem hilarious in the retelling. the line seems more to me like the opening line from a book.
"Kathleen Monahan died yesterday."
I wanted to go to the service, but it was held on sunday in Jupiter, Florida. 2,664 miles away. it was an open casket service. I wanted to see her. I thought it would help fill the empty field with something.
I'm not sure what to do, instead. just keep repeating it over and over until it's the Truth; something I've known since I was a kid. a natural fact, inseparable from evaporation, or the formation of the geostrata. the end of the human life cycle.
Kathleen Monahan died. she died suddenly on a thursday, the 12th of April, 2007. she was 22 years, 3 months, and 23 days old.