so i'm finally out of the ghetto.
I have the best paying job i've ever had.
i've graduated art school, and moved forward with my life.
the bad part of all this is that these are qualities that cannot satisfy. while they allow me the freedom to (finally) examine my life and make some needed changes, they don't cause internal peace or harmony.
My car is certainly and slowly dying. Which is good I guess since I can't afford to insure it AND make rent this week. State farm is a ripoff anyways.
My finances are tight. too tight for comfort. I had to back off from my friends this weekend for lack of money, and I know with my car off the road and my finances so tight, it will take a certain miracle to make a friend's wedding in 2 weeks. What can i do? Weddings are the kind of thing that, hell or high water, one must be present at.
My best friend in Savannah is gone for the summer. off having adventures and enjoying his youth.
and so i have to remind myself of several truths: while having the things i've worked for (my diploma, my job, my sweet new apartment) cannot make me happy, having the things i dislike (bills i can't figure out, the struggle of my training routine, my friends scattered to the winds, lack of money) cannot make me sad.
The weight swings both ways.
And so, today, I will take my broke ass and get into my failing car and drive to the park. I'll put on a heavy backpack and run slowly, oh so slowly, in revolutions around a park full of people who, while on the outside seem happier than me, are dealing with the same human joys and sadness I deal with.
I skate the edge of that thin thin border of life and death. I have since birth. I will always be aware of my mortality, the fleeting nature of my life, the temporary peace I enjoy.
"and so, with Kannon as my mirror, I take up brush and write..." -Miyamoto Musashi
I have the best paying job i've ever had.
i've graduated art school, and moved forward with my life.
the bad part of all this is that these are qualities that cannot satisfy. while they allow me the freedom to (finally) examine my life and make some needed changes, they don't cause internal peace or harmony.
My car is certainly and slowly dying. Which is good I guess since I can't afford to insure it AND make rent this week. State farm is a ripoff anyways.
My finances are tight. too tight for comfort. I had to back off from my friends this weekend for lack of money, and I know with my car off the road and my finances so tight, it will take a certain miracle to make a friend's wedding in 2 weeks. What can i do? Weddings are the kind of thing that, hell or high water, one must be present at.
My best friend in Savannah is gone for the summer. off having adventures and enjoying his youth.
and so i have to remind myself of several truths: while having the things i've worked for (my diploma, my job, my sweet new apartment) cannot make me happy, having the things i dislike (bills i can't figure out, the struggle of my training routine, my friends scattered to the winds, lack of money) cannot make me sad.
The weight swings both ways.
And so, today, I will take my broke ass and get into my failing car and drive to the park. I'll put on a heavy backpack and run slowly, oh so slowly, in revolutions around a park full of people who, while on the outside seem happier than me, are dealing with the same human joys and sadness I deal with.
I skate the edge of that thin thin border of life and death. I have since birth. I will always be aware of my mortality, the fleeting nature of my life, the temporary peace I enjoy.
"and so, with Kannon as my mirror, I take up brush and write..." -Miyamoto Musashi