I have a 6 hour brain scan tomorrow morning...and i need to be sleep deprived, so i only get 4 hours of sleep and then have to stay awake for 10. Fuck my life. Hopefully people will calm me to help me stay awake and not die of boredom and exhaustion. I wrote a goodbye letter to my ex because I've been thinking about her to an emotionally paining level. I cried for 20 minutes after i sent it. I had hoped she would respond, but I know I'd just cry after reading it.
I found this great tattoo artist in portland, and the earliest booking to get a consultation was june 19th, so I'm pretty stoked about that.
Other than that I feel alone, and afraid of getting close to people because I always end up hurting them. I never want that or those feelings to ever happen again because of something I did. I make my whole life a point to make sure everyone is okay. I don't drink or do drugs because I always end up doing something to hurt someone when it lets go of my mental barriers that I've put in place. I got to smoke hookah, and that gave me a buzz that I haven't felt ever....and because of it it ended me hurting my best friend. So all my life really is is containing myself and making others feel safe and secure. I don't think my life will ever make me feel free. When I'm free I hut people, and I make it a point in my life to make others feel safe and secure around me. So I just have to hold all my uninhibited desires back, and just conform to normality, the bipolar doesn't help. I just want everyone to feel safe and secure when they're around me, without that I'm just a monster.
I found this great tattoo artist in portland, and the earliest booking to get a consultation was june 19th, so I'm pretty stoked about that.
Other than that I feel alone, and afraid of getting close to people because I always end up hurting them. I never want that or those feelings to ever happen again because of something I did. I make my whole life a point to make sure everyone is okay. I don't drink or do drugs because I always end up doing something to hurt someone when it lets go of my mental barriers that I've put in place. I got to smoke hookah, and that gave me a buzz that I haven't felt ever....and because of it it ended me hurting my best friend. So all my life really is is containing myself and making others feel safe and secure. I don't think my life will ever make me feel free. When I'm free I hut people, and I make it a point in my life to make others feel safe and secure around me. So I just have to hold all my uninhibited desires back, and just conform to normality, the bipolar doesn't help. I just want everyone to feel safe and secure when they're around me, without that I'm just a monster.