inkdpanda

woke up, went to the program and got bitched at. went to the neurologist and the doc wasn't in, but Sarah the nurse was. she's so amazing and caring and nice. I gave her the video, she's calling today to get my MRI scheduled. got home because i was going to have a seizure and had one for like 5 mins. Fucked up thing is...
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So after waiting 3.5 hours on calling my program i held in my seizure. i couldn't relax because that makes me go into a seizure. the fucked up thing is that I had to film my fucking seizure. in less than 3 seconds of relaxing i went into a whole body 2 minute seizure. oh, and then staff came in 15 mins later. g fucking...
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I went to the neurologist yesterday to follow up my EEG for sleep deprived seizures. the test showed nothing but telling him about the other time he pretty said i have them. He wanted me to wait until i get the MRI to go off my anti-depressant. But I had another seizure that night. The worst part is is that I can feel them coming...
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i'm fucking pissed. my tattoo artist got a stuck in portland. he calls me 10 mins before the appointment, after i already shaved my chest and walked 20 mins. i've been waiting for a month. i paid upfront and they pushed me back a few hours, then 2 days, then canceled, then didnt call back, then computer was down 2 days, then booked all week,...
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feeeling better, got food in me. made a pretty decent hoagie sandwich. less than 24 hours will get my new tattoo!

my body has a deep hurt that i cant describe what or where it is. i cant sit still but i cant keep moving. i have a fuckload of homework to do but i cant concentrate, cigarettes arent calming me down. i just want it to be monday already.

Is the mind just a free flow of energy without a physical reality? Is this the true reality? What about reality isn't real? Dreams are real, but...fake? They are in our minds, but what abstraction of the mind can be shown as thought and signals? How does the electric nervous system create thoughts? What is a thought? What part of it is real? If it...
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i'm a frustrated panda, my piercing stuff never came and it's presidents day weekend so i have to wait until tuesday, installing linux is broken, pretty much a shitty weekend so far.....just want to have it be monday already to get my new tattoo. =/

end of the week, piercing stuff should be here tomorrow then tattoo on monday!