it appears increasingly likely that Portland is my next destination. about half the jobs ive applied to over the last two weeks are out there, its cheap (or at least cheap compared to nyc and sf), and its one of the most environmentally conscious and bike-friendly cities anywhere. and for what its worth, its where my mom thinks i should be.
i got prodded into thinking about this yesterday. i got a call from a non-profit that i applied to on monday based in boston. the call went well, but the woman was nice and honest with me. because she wasnt planning on making a decision until after the end of the month (when my lease ends), she told me it wasnt going to work. i appreciated her candor.
the call just made it a little more clear that time is no longer my friend. i applied for what i think would be a great job at the environmental defense fund here in new york (a place ive wanted to work since college). again, the problem is time. a decision would have to be made within in the next four weeks. i know the process can easily run longer than that. so its time for one last ditch effort to save myself from going back to my parents.
all i ever wanted to do was leave town and go to school. a whole hell of a lot of people i knew and went to high school with never did that. and leaving and getting my education always seemed like an attainable goal for a guy with my background. the only problem was i never thought about what i would do afterward. i went to law school because i had no idea what to do next. i got my first job after law school and stayed there for as long as i did because i didnt know what else to do. its bizarre how comfortable you can get even in a job you dont really like. i made good money and actually could save for when shit hit the fan and i could afford some of the things i wanted. time starts to blur and you forget a little what your original convictions were.
its funny though. i cant count the number of mistakes ive made the last five years. it seems like over and over i keep tripping on my own feet, constantly grabbing onto whatever was closest to keep myself upright. and maybe im about to do that again. maybe the last two months and this new decision are another handrail to grab onto to prevent my face from making hard contact with the ground. but right now i have a better idea of what i want to do, of what will make me happy, than i have in 10 years. as it happens, all those mistakes and all those shitty circumstances and hard decisions actually eventually form themselves into a solid foundation.
Portland might just be a gamble I need to take. If nothing else, itll be one more place ill have lived in and seen. despite the circumstances (moving home has always felt like the end of the world to me, which sounds stupid) and my history, i feel more hopeful than i have in a while. and if it doesnt work, i can take comfort in knowing ill be moving home flat fucking broke.
oh, and ive been listening to a shit ton of matthew good lately. check him out if you dont know him, the guy is amazing.
i got prodded into thinking about this yesterday. i got a call from a non-profit that i applied to on monday based in boston. the call went well, but the woman was nice and honest with me. because she wasnt planning on making a decision until after the end of the month (when my lease ends), she told me it wasnt going to work. i appreciated her candor.
the call just made it a little more clear that time is no longer my friend. i applied for what i think would be a great job at the environmental defense fund here in new york (a place ive wanted to work since college). again, the problem is time. a decision would have to be made within in the next four weeks. i know the process can easily run longer than that. so its time for one last ditch effort to save myself from going back to my parents.
all i ever wanted to do was leave town and go to school. a whole hell of a lot of people i knew and went to high school with never did that. and leaving and getting my education always seemed like an attainable goal for a guy with my background. the only problem was i never thought about what i would do afterward. i went to law school because i had no idea what to do next. i got my first job after law school and stayed there for as long as i did because i didnt know what else to do. its bizarre how comfortable you can get even in a job you dont really like. i made good money and actually could save for when shit hit the fan and i could afford some of the things i wanted. time starts to blur and you forget a little what your original convictions were.
its funny though. i cant count the number of mistakes ive made the last five years. it seems like over and over i keep tripping on my own feet, constantly grabbing onto whatever was closest to keep myself upright. and maybe im about to do that again. maybe the last two months and this new decision are another handrail to grab onto to prevent my face from making hard contact with the ground. but right now i have a better idea of what i want to do, of what will make me happy, than i have in 10 years. as it happens, all those mistakes and all those shitty circumstances and hard decisions actually eventually form themselves into a solid foundation.
Portland might just be a gamble I need to take. If nothing else, itll be one more place ill have lived in and seen. despite the circumstances (moving home has always felt like the end of the world to me, which sounds stupid) and my history, i feel more hopeful than i have in a while. and if it doesnt work, i can take comfort in knowing ill be moving home flat fucking broke.
oh, and ive been listening to a shit ton of matthew good lately. check him out if you dont know him, the guy is amazing.