the thing i hate most about dating is that when things dont work out i feel like i wasted my time. i meet a girl, we talk and its great, we get together for an actually date that goes smashingly well. we havent managed to get together again, and i dont think we will. i absolutely hate it. i almost wish we hadnt met. i cant stand it when things that go well dont work out.
ive had one cigarette in four days and im fucking dying for one now. if i could just buy one or two at a time id be so happy. just enough to get me by when im drinking (like now) but not enough that i regret my purchase when im sober.
apparently tomorrow is national tartan day. theres a parade in midtown with bagpipers. sounds like fun, and i think i may go wander around. i love bagpipe music.
my bike is quickly becoming my refuge. i cant think of anything else to do when im not at work but ride. very tempted to get on the gw and head toward spark hill this weekend, but i dont think my legs are back yet for 50 miles. better than i was in the fall, but not quite there. perhaps next weekend.
riding actually isnt that much fun at the moment. didnt take much smoking to coat my lungs in crap. im still cleaning them out. the best part of a ride is when you find a bit of flat, can drop your body into cruise control and focus on the strip of road in front of you. the thing ive always loved about cycling is that when that happens, when you find that stretch of road and the only thing you can hear is the sound of the air past your ears and the sound of your tires on the road, my mind quiets down. all the normal bullshit that filters through my head (paranoia about work, nagging loneliness, fear that im not doing what i should be, whatever) goes away. its absolutely amazing, and its the reason i ride. riding is also the one thing i know i do better than anyone else i know.
work is actually going rather well. just had a quarterly review that went about as well as i could hope. have to not focus on the fact that im still not where i should be. happy thoughts instead of my usual.
when will i love someone/
when will someone be mine/
40 (90) grand in the hole/
gonna open and let my yearning shine.
mike doughty is awesome.
night.
ive had one cigarette in four days and im fucking dying for one now. if i could just buy one or two at a time id be so happy. just enough to get me by when im drinking (like now) but not enough that i regret my purchase when im sober.
apparently tomorrow is national tartan day. theres a parade in midtown with bagpipers. sounds like fun, and i think i may go wander around. i love bagpipe music.
my bike is quickly becoming my refuge. i cant think of anything else to do when im not at work but ride. very tempted to get on the gw and head toward spark hill this weekend, but i dont think my legs are back yet for 50 miles. better than i was in the fall, but not quite there. perhaps next weekend.
riding actually isnt that much fun at the moment. didnt take much smoking to coat my lungs in crap. im still cleaning them out. the best part of a ride is when you find a bit of flat, can drop your body into cruise control and focus on the strip of road in front of you. the thing ive always loved about cycling is that when that happens, when you find that stretch of road and the only thing you can hear is the sound of the air past your ears and the sound of your tires on the road, my mind quiets down. all the normal bullshit that filters through my head (paranoia about work, nagging loneliness, fear that im not doing what i should be, whatever) goes away. its absolutely amazing, and its the reason i ride. riding is also the one thing i know i do better than anyone else i know.
work is actually going rather well. just had a quarterly review that went about as well as i could hope. have to not focus on the fact that im still not where i should be. happy thoughts instead of my usual.
when will i love someone/
when will someone be mine/
40 (90) grand in the hole/
gonna open and let my yearning shine.
mike doughty is awesome.
night.