injuredcyclist

i was right when i started calling it bubble guts. ha!

im starting to feel better thanks to a real diagnosis and another kind of pill. at the same time, mentally, not so much. i dunno. as my body mends the part of me that wants to tear the legs off of other cyclists and fly down the road begins to manifest itself again. i know what to do with that energy when im on the bike, but not really any other time. i got a rush pushing myself on the ride home, busting my ass to maintain a 22 or 23 mph pace, which was funny because i usually find the ride annoying because of other commuters and rollerbladers and such (i find i have a serious case of roadie snobbery, and tend to think of those not in full kit on carbon bikes with disdain or contempt or even fear). i cant figure out how to translate that energy into professional or personal success.

im still paranoid about being fired. were about to hire four new people, and i always wonder if im about to start training my replacement, or wondering why i havent been given new assignments and clients. it makes me fucking crazy. i dont know what id do if i lost my job. given the kind of year ive had, whatever i did probably wouldnt be healthy, or even perhaps legal.

some days are easier than others. today i feel like im losing my fucking mind. self medicating.