injuredcyclist

beginning to think a lot of my ills are because of how stressed i am about work and the uncertainty of my current position. i just cant seem to completely relax, and its made worse by the fact that i dont really trust my body right now. after being broken for a while, a part of me has a hard time mentally believing that im better, which adds to the pressure and stress and creates a feedback loop. my stomach, when i catch myself relaxing at home, really doesnt feel broken anymore.

to help with this, im looking seriously at picking up a guitar again. hunting around on craigslist and ebay for an epi les paul. i think, especially as it gets colder and cycling becomes less viable (or at least less attractive and a little more dangerous) learning to play will help take my mind off everything and truly relax me. i also feel like creating something, which i really havent done before. i cant paint or sculpt, im not much of a diy clothes person, but i feel like learning to make music, or at least learning to play it.

my birthday is just a month away, and my year anniversary in new york is just six weeks. other than buying a guitar, i dont think ill be celebrating either much. been a long year full of hurt, illness, changes, and screwups. but i really believe, if i can get control of my weaknesses at the office, that 25 will have have laid the groundwork for a breakout 26. *fingers crossed*