ininkplease

On to weak knees she falls staring up at the sky, wondering what could have been if she had not made it there just a few months too late. Did they really even want her there or was she just being fooled into something she knew nothing about? She tried so hard to be there for him, watching him get hurt and make the wrong choices in his life, but still she staid and it killed her and with every thought of abandoning him, hurt more and more. She was bound by a promise, she would never hurt him like the last girl, and here she was, her one chance and she never felt more alone than when she was with him. If only she wasn't too late she thought, but then again what more could she do, she wasn't from around here and this was all so new and every time she looked at him, he's eyes seemed to look right through her. His smile and glare passing through her and onto the pretty girl across the room.

Only a couple of days out here, and it seemed like a whole year, dance beats and break downs surrounding her and she wonders is there really nothing left of me, or this dream of mine. Confrontations and skipping the beats and emotions, moving right along to the honest truth of how things are and what is left to come in the new few years. She has a lot to unravel and sort out before she decides to leave everything she loves and holds dear to her to move across the country to a life she doesn't understand but feels called to. It's over, the looks have all faded and he has reached his closure and is ready to move on to the next chapter of his life, without me, my sense of compassion and friendship. Its time for you to walk away he says its time for you to fade out into the night like those stars we used to look up at every time one of us forgot what to say on the phone. You live your life in a dream, where you control the outcome, this is not real its all make believe, and those stars weren't stars, they were satellites and telephone lines that were never supposed to lead your heart here. They were all just pulses of awkward lullabies spoken to you so you could make it through one more day.

Our stars were crossed from the start and every time my phone cut out on you, it was really just the dial tone all along. On her knees is how she tends to live her life always looking for the answer to her questions, why cant once in my life I keep some one who means a lot to me, a friend a guide a dream. It was time for her to get off her knees and stop dreaming of life to come and start living the life she has. She wonders if time will be kind to her healing heart as she picks up the pieces of what is left and moves onto the next day. She worries about if she is falling in love with the ideas of falling in love and never realizing she is falling short of desire and limited demand. She misplaced all the hidden meanings while she was there, why did they ask her to come when they never really wanted her there from the start, was it just to close the doors on all the time they spent talking, to see if they could still spark that fire with one out stretched hand and a smile. Maybe she said the wrong thing at the wrong time; it's so hard to keep up with the versions of the story. I mean you've had it all along and without me. It's hard not to wonder why you called me those nights, or asked me not to go when I was about ready to give up. Maybe I never caught all those hidden meanings only seeing the part of the story that was convenient to me, an alternated ending at a different time and place, that you really weren't holding me in your arms that night and you didn't take my hand during the movie, it was all just handshakes and high fives. I thought I heard you say I want to come out by you, but it was just really why you are here with me now. You mess things up and cause all the drama.

Our stars were crossed from the start and now there is nothing to show but a simple death of emotion, poisoned by the ideas of hope in a world where love never fails. One her knees she looks up and the sky and curses them trying to find just one wishing star and if she found two then it would be her lucky day. In a few years who will know what will be left of those friendships she never could have of imagined being apart of, while she was there she was home, she didn't have to act or put on a show, she was herself and that smile she had when he first came out to see her, was real and not pretend. Maybe it was the lack of words or the timing but she never will regret the chance she took seeing him for the first and last time. Dose she follow her heart knowing she wants to become part of the family there, or dose she give in to unknown requests and walk away and will time heal their hearts and sort out the truth, we all seem to be actors playing roles of people we never knew, and did we misread the script or never grasped the plot, cause it seems we always act out of place when we are around each other and I could have sworn there was another ending with a twist at the end, kisses on the check and a long embrace.