The Glorious Burden
It's been December for what seems like months, you know one of those months that are just so cold that no matter what you do cant seem to shake it. Today's date is actually November 11th and around here it doesn't start to get warm till about mid February.
My room is one of those rooms that no matter what I do I am always uncomfortable in, I will just get seated and into whatever I am doing and then I will have to get up and ether throw on a hoodie or turn on the fan. I would go mess with the air conditioner/heater but its like I move it down slightly and I cause a some sort of signal to be sent wirelessly out into the house until my dad picks up on it and comes up to tell me how we don't have the money to go one degree above or below the special mark. Its like if I touched it our whole house would go up in flames,
I haven't been out much lately and its really been weighing heavy on m emotions, I bit I have picked up a bit of bi polar tendencies. I don't know what happen I used to go to the mall and see movies when they would come out. I would almost never be home, let alone in bed before 10:00 and out like a light as soon as I hit the pillow. It's just like the past has just faded its way out of existence and it never existed, the memories They appear as scenes but each memory is a new genre and a new feeling of awkwardness and you tell yourself that it isn't you but deep down you know it is, and for some reason that feeling is what you have longed for, a taste of the past, but the past is present a few seconds too late, as if by magic its gone and you haven't made a move, or said the thing you wanted to at the time. This book holds the remains I was able to retain from the years its what's left of childhood up through community college which I regret to inform them I wont be making it this year.
Looking into the mirror it's no wonder the phone remains silent I wouldn't want to be seen with me even if it was out of sympathy. I brush extra hard to make up for time spent feeling sorry for myself. If I borrowed my sisters make up then I could look like one of those kids you see at shows these days, its gotten to crowded here lately I feel like I am being suffocated and it doesn't help that I spend almost every min in my house with food they continually buy thinking I like it but that never seems to get through to them.
With as much free time as I really have I should be a lot more involved in things I enjoy, and your right if it wasn't for the pure enjoyment of the universe to take everything I could ever love away from me. I still make my wishes and cross my fingers cause as simple as it is those are the things that will get us through the day, that divine finger that accidentally hit the repeat button and still hasn't figured out how to turn it off. I know already how tomorrow will start and stop, when God takes away something he usually replaces it with something and I believe that it's the ability to see the future. By tomorrow night I will have a new spiral notebook filled to the brim with thought and prose and contraptions, the best of all will be the huge mass of hypocrisy and mostly some time through out that day I will watch the same move twice. I wish that ground hog would finally just go back into the hole and let me resume my life with a best friend who is there to encourage the hands to write and perform music, the girlfriend that would just sleep with me in my bed while I rested my head and felt safe
I wish I could live the past
It's been December for what seems like months, you know one of those months that are just so cold that no matter what you do cant seem to shake it. Today's date is actually November 11th and around here it doesn't start to get warm till about mid February.
My room is one of those rooms that no matter what I do I am always uncomfortable in, I will just get seated and into whatever I am doing and then I will have to get up and ether throw on a hoodie or turn on the fan. I would go mess with the air conditioner/heater but its like I move it down slightly and I cause a some sort of signal to be sent wirelessly out into the house until my dad picks up on it and comes up to tell me how we don't have the money to go one degree above or below the special mark. Its like if I touched it our whole house would go up in flames,
I haven't been out much lately and its really been weighing heavy on m emotions, I bit I have picked up a bit of bi polar tendencies. I don't know what happen I used to go to the mall and see movies when they would come out. I would almost never be home, let alone in bed before 10:00 and out like a light as soon as I hit the pillow. It's just like the past has just faded its way out of existence and it never existed, the memories They appear as scenes but each memory is a new genre and a new feeling of awkwardness and you tell yourself that it isn't you but deep down you know it is, and for some reason that feeling is what you have longed for, a taste of the past, but the past is present a few seconds too late, as if by magic its gone and you haven't made a move, or said the thing you wanted to at the time. This book holds the remains I was able to retain from the years its what's left of childhood up through community college which I regret to inform them I wont be making it this year.
Looking into the mirror it's no wonder the phone remains silent I wouldn't want to be seen with me even if it was out of sympathy. I brush extra hard to make up for time spent feeling sorry for myself. If I borrowed my sisters make up then I could look like one of those kids you see at shows these days, its gotten to crowded here lately I feel like I am being suffocated and it doesn't help that I spend almost every min in my house with food they continually buy thinking I like it but that never seems to get through to them.
With as much free time as I really have I should be a lot more involved in things I enjoy, and your right if it wasn't for the pure enjoyment of the universe to take everything I could ever love away from me. I still make my wishes and cross my fingers cause as simple as it is those are the things that will get us through the day, that divine finger that accidentally hit the repeat button and still hasn't figured out how to turn it off. I know already how tomorrow will start and stop, when God takes away something he usually replaces it with something and I believe that it's the ability to see the future. By tomorrow night I will have a new spiral notebook filled to the brim with thought and prose and contraptions, the best of all will be the huge mass of hypocrisy and mostly some time through out that day I will watch the same move twice. I wish that ground hog would finally just go back into the hole and let me resume my life with a best friend who is there to encourage the hands to write and perform music, the girlfriend that would just sleep with me in my bed while I rested my head and felt safe
I wish I could live the past