inigo

Well, I'm back from Oz, and the final week was actually one of the most spiritually uplifting weeks of my life. After getting away from all the nasty uniformity and scary born again-ness of the first week, the second week was a breath of fresh air. It was a chance to actually meet people and make a decent connection with them beyond "Whats your name and where you from?" It gave me the chance to compare myself to some of the people I met and decide what it was in my life that I could change for the better. The unfortunate answer was, stop being such a bitch. Flitting from one group to another, I couldn't help but notice how the group who thought everything was a chore and keeping them away from the pub fulfilled their prophesies of doom, whereas those who flung themselves wholeheartedly into everything, and could see the love and work of Christ in everyone, were not only enjoying themselves more, but were also spreading that joy and energy to everyone. This may sound like such an obvious statement, but it has had a profound effect on me. I am trying to find the good in everyone, and I am finding it. I have more energy, more time and more passion for people. Its not always easy and I still fall sometimes but I am getting there.

Since getting back I have been organising a flat and am moving in with three people I don't know, so I am guaranteed some adventure over the next year. They all seem lovely although they always seem to be getting me hammered, last time on absinthe, and letting me do stupid things like phoning my ex and crying over the phone to him about getting back together. It was a horrible phone call and I think I might have pissed him off a touch judging by the incredibly vitriolic email I got back. However, this may be a blessing in disguise, or at least I'm trying to see it like that. For a year now I have been trying to either win him back or simply acknowledge my love for him, something he never did. He is like a drug that was suddenly withdrawn and now I am forever chasing the high. While we were still in contact it was dangled in front of me, just out of reach, and now finally, it is out of sight entirely, and hopefully out of mind. I can live with him hating me if it means I can finally stop loving him. I've wasted a year of my life hungering for someone who can offer me no sustenance, now I can finally try and learn to feed myself. Wish me luck!