infra

I don't recall when it was I first found out about sg. Long time before I joined it, anyway. But I've come to the conclusion that no matter how long I'm here, no matter when I would have joined, I'll be a noob.

Always.

That used to piss people off.. that I defied pigeonholing. I was too to optimistic to be a goth, too reserved to be emo, too stoic to be perky. Heh. The best nickname anyone could ever come up with for me was "fluffy." Nothing else seemed to fit.

Even my doctors don't know what to make of me. My symptoms don't fit any of the classical categories. The best anyone's been able to say is that there are so many different things going on it's impossible to say where one ends and the next one begins. Much less put a label on it all.

Not that I see this as a positive thing. Sometimes I'd sell my soul to be content watching American Idol and making fries. But I'm afraid I still have my soul in hock.

It's great that there's a community here. A feel. A personality. A zeitgeist. It was that soul that attracted me here in the first place: the girls and the words and the boards exuding it like a Galitsyn exudes the discovery and unfolding of emerging sexual nature.

But I'm a noob, and will always be. An observer. A commentator from the alcove, the guy in the remote chair, inhaling the vapors of his wine while the carnival wheels along in circular dances and the city burns.

It's life in parallel.