I've only visited the hookup board a couple of times in the three or so years I've been a member here. This last visit was by accident, mostly, just following a link from one of the posts on the CE boards. There, I noticed the singles thread. I have no intention of posting in it, but it got me thinking about why I'm still single.
Maybe single is the right word; or maybe it's abstinent, or misanthropic, but just about relationships.
Basically, it comes down to this: I know that relationships involve compromise, but there are things that I'm not willing to compromise on -- my goals, my view of life, my plan for what I want to become, the place that love has in my life -- that have been targeted in previous relationships. I'm fed up with being told that I have to change the way that I am if I ever want to get a girlfriend or a wife, when those things are subjects, opinions and perspectives that I've spent years, if not decades, investigating, questioning and refining. I'm weary of being told that I need to shape my core personality to match someone else's perspective of what women look for in a guy.
I refuse to become a hollowed-out, sold-out, beaten-down version of myself in order to get some companionship.
Women can be selective about guys. I can also be selective about women. Beggars can't be choosers, sure, but I'm not begging.
This isn't an indictment of all women, of course, or even most. What it is, is a statement that I've rejected what the women in my life, so far, have insisted that I do in order to be with someone. I've tired of that scene and that perspective. Until I find someone who insists that I maintain my own humanity as well as respect theirs, I'm content to be on my own.
If I fault myself for anything in this regard, it's in staying in a social crowd that contains people mostly of this type. It's in not moving to another, bigger town; it's in not seeking out new venues. That is a substantial flaw -- and one to which I readily admit.
Maybe single is the right word; or maybe it's abstinent, or misanthropic, but just about relationships.
Basically, it comes down to this: I know that relationships involve compromise, but there are things that I'm not willing to compromise on -- my goals, my view of life, my plan for what I want to become, the place that love has in my life -- that have been targeted in previous relationships. I'm fed up with being told that I have to change the way that I am if I ever want to get a girlfriend or a wife, when those things are subjects, opinions and perspectives that I've spent years, if not decades, investigating, questioning and refining. I'm weary of being told that I need to shape my core personality to match someone else's perspective of what women look for in a guy.
I refuse to become a hollowed-out, sold-out, beaten-down version of myself in order to get some companionship.
Women can be selective about guys. I can also be selective about women. Beggars can't be choosers, sure, but I'm not begging.
This isn't an indictment of all women, of course, or even most. What it is, is a statement that I've rejected what the women in my life, so far, have insisted that I do in order to be with someone. I've tired of that scene and that perspective. Until I find someone who insists that I maintain my own humanity as well as respect theirs, I'm content to be on my own.
If I fault myself for anything in this regard, it's in staying in a social crowd that contains people mostly of this type. It's in not moving to another, bigger town; it's in not seeking out new venues. That is a substantial flaw -- and one to which I readily admit.