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I must say that Alien Abduction is a kick-ass game. Unfortunately, the ass is mine. I don't know if it's a testament to the game designers, or to my masochism, that I've continued to play it.

At least I've gotten past the point where it would pull my brain out through my eye sockets, hand me my ass through my ass and spit on my corpse while implying that my father was one of sundry farm animals. It's only taken a year and a half or so to do that, but I'm finally past level seven.

I never was that good at Defender.

It's the only shmup that I've had to start at anything other than level one to beat. Fuck, I can even do some major damage in Kenta Cho's games. But this one makes me want to disassemble my DNA pair by pair. Forget about tearing my hair out, this is worlds beyond.

I'm actually tempted to use cheat codes. For me, that's a bit like deciding to gnaw off my left testicle, give head to a meat grinder and play the bottom in a BDSM scene with Rosie O'Donnell while she was hopped up on PCP, then marry the reanimated corpse of Andrea Dworkin.

Yeah, it's probably my masochism.

(Wow. I think I may have boosted my average survival time on exodus nine to eight seconds. Whoopee.)