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indecisive

Bremerton, WA

Member Since 2005

Followers 48 Following 33

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Sunday Feb 06, 2005

Feb 5, 2005
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Why bother, it's gonna hurt me, it's gonna kill when you desert me. This happened to me TWICE before, won't happen to me anymore...

My best friend, Ben, is leaving tomorrow for Coast Guard bootcamp. His ex girlfriend revealed to me that he's moving to New York directly after boot camp. I won't see him until he gets leave for holidays. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt me.
It hurts anyway. I've spent my weekend crying myself into oblivions. I'm going to go do that again.
We hung out last night, but his ex kept making shit so stupid, and finally I said fuck it, just drop me off at Megan's house, and I'm going to party without you fucks. Spent the night at Greg's... But I haven't slept. Just a lot of crying. I did a bunch of shit today
A lot of crying.
Took Ben out to Shari's after work, and we talked about how we've always been best friends because we need each other so much... And then I cried again. He gave me all my favorite cds in his collection. He gave me his favorite scarf. He gave me a broken heart. I fucking love Ben in a plutonic way that I never knew existed. I would trade my whole family for one Ben.
I would trade one laugh for this tear that's falling.
If Ben was my lover, I would have done something romantic just to stay close to him. Instead, I'm going to listen to his Modest Mouse cd. Rad.
thearcanecircle:
wow, you that kind brought home the way my best friend back home prob felt when i left fot bootcamp. We'v kept in touch but its not like actually being there...If you need to talk feel free to throw yourbitch's at me. N ot litterally though, cause that might hurt..anyways i have ears that work...
Feb 5, 2005

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