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incrediblescott

Seattle

Member Since 2008

Followers 29 Following 46

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Thursday Feb 05, 2009

Feb 5, 2009
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Yesterday was one of the longest days at work ever, yet I don't remember much of it as I was so caught up in more immediate concerns. By the time I got home I just let it all out, the anger, the frustration, and the hopes. Today I took a fake sick day to sit back, reflect, and regenerate without the constant distraction of the phone every 3-5 minutes at work (I really hate my job).

Much of it stems from the desire to have order in my life. A while back, I was so confident by this summer I'd have enough to cover college expenses for the next 4 years. Yet dental expenses, bills, and other necessities (and many non-necessities) took an unexpected toll. By now, I thought I'd have nearly $20,000 in the bank, instead I have something like $300.

I've been trying to find the ins and outs of this situation; maybe I'll work at Starbucks as a part-time job, maybe I can spend another 6 months doing temp work, maybe I can just take one or two classes instead of going full time. Yet in this volatile economy, nothing is guaranteed.

In an old LiveJournal post, I wrote "One of my dreams is to travel the world". I've sometimes mentioned to Laura or other friends that I plan on visiting Europe, Canada, or Japan sometime in the next couple of years. Yet these are just pipe dreams. I know they aren't possible and I am only deluding myself for thinking so.

Not many people know this, but many years ago (before I started writing and illustrating) I wanted to be a pilot. I would clock many hours on Flight Simulator or other computer apps flying around, seeing digital representations of real areas, and learning the instruments real pilots use. To this day I still can tell you the difference between a Ju-87B and a Ju-87D just by looking at the cockpit. Much had to do with the hours I spent perusing through my dad's books on aviation when I was still only about 5 or 6. I even recall flying with my dad when I was 3.

When I lived in Colorado Springs, I thought about joining the Air Force Academy (which was literally a few miles away). But my dad and others said that due to my glasses, there was no way I'd be a pilot. Of course, at that age I immediately thought this disqualified me from any area in the Air Force (silly as there's always logistics, programing, technicians, etc...), so I grudgingly decided that door was closed for me forever.

Yet, as recent as last year I decided maybe it's not too late to get in the military, but I had my doubts. Maybe I am too old, maybe my GED disqualifies me...or perhaps I will be magically assigned as a soldier against my desires, ship off to Iraq and get my legs blown up. Simply put, I've spent so much time and devotion in trying to work things out here in Seattle that I took that option right off the table. Yet I still longed for some order, some security, and some peace of mind knowing that I am not just a guy with a wasted past and a shaky future.

After I saw President Obama's acceptance speech, I felt a sense of pride as an American. Yet one part of his speech really hit hard; "What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task. "

It touched me as an American and after a mess of the past 8 years, I was proud to have such a great President reminding us that responsibility comes from within ourselves. That no matter what difficult circumstances that may arise, we much achieve our own dreams through hard work and determination.

But what can I do? With the gradual collapse of our service economy; with high profile layoffs in bankruptcies in many retail outlets and financial institutions, and with the collapse of the housing market. I notice day by day that my own future is in jeopardy. That dream of "traveling the world" diminishes at the same pace the surplus in my bank account shrinks each passing month. I don't even know if I should even get new glasses this month as that provides less time on the ticking time clock to my own financial collapse this summer as I search for a new job in an unstable job market.

It was not supposed to be this way. I was supposed to finish high school at Columbine, class of 2002! I was supposed to go to Colorado State University to study computer programming, I was supposed to be working for Microsoft, Google, or Amazon. Yet one day I blew it all. The day my father convinced me to drop out of high school.

And while I was able to pick up some of the pieces shattered by some of my dad's foolish mistakes by his visions of grandeur, causing our family's eventual downfall. I was able to pick up some of the pieces in North Carolina. Unfortunately, it was all too little too late. I wanted my life to be an adventure, I want to share stories the same way my friends in NC were able to share stories about their volunteer experiences, traveling the country, and meeting new people. Instead my life has been a grind, I have no friends, still dependent on my mother for financial survival, and continue to remain single.

So what other option do I have? What satisfies the conditions of having order, stability, focus, and adventure? The only answer I have is to join the military. So after doing much research yesterday, I found that it's really not so far out of reach. I am still at the age where I can be recruited, my GED won't be a problem as I have about 4 semesters of college credits (they only require 15 credits), there are multiple branches of enlistment, and multiple fields within those branches where I can work in, and obviously they pay for college too, lifting a huge financial burden. So I am putting into deep consideration either joining the Navy or the Air Force. I like the idea of working on a ship with a crew, sailing the world and visiting amazing locals. But I also would enjoy working with or around aircraft and being around other like-minded enthusiasts. Heck, I may even be able to work on an aircraft carrier and get the best of both worlds.

Of course, we all know there are downsides. There are no "safe" branches in the military. I could get run over by an airplane, blown up by a suicide bomber, or the ship could sink by a rogue torpedo. It's also hard work...it's not like I'd be traveling to Tahiti, watching the sunset, and making love to hot chicks...those luxuries do not exist. Basic training will be 8 weeks of mental and physical hell. There is also the issue of signing my life away as I'd have to sign at least 4-6 years and there's absolutely no opting out.

But honestly, I look at it all in a positive aspect. It's 4-6 years of me having focus and stability, networking, making long-lasting bonds. It's a hard-working adventure, but an adventure nonetheless. It will give me valuable life training and lessons for the real world. I'll actually have a story to tell and a new chapter in my life.

I have nothing to lose. There's no girl to leave behind nor any friends to say goodbye to. My mom and sis are supporting. There are also no medical or educational conditions to hold me back. The only thing left behind will be some of my personal belongings...but where I will be going, I won't really need them.

Of course this is NOT a decision I can make today. Circumstances change and by June I may find myself with an additional source of income, a better job prospect, a working goal for college, and maybe even make a few new friends. But if none of that happens...well there's nothing else stopping me from enlisting.

In the meantime, I'll do what I can to stay afloat. I'll continue to save money, play games, go to church and live life as normal. Additionally I'll be studying hard and by this summer (once I get more free time), I'll even start working out. This preparation is not only healthy, but it's crucial if I want to leave ALL doors open in my life.

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