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Often I find that I have to talk myself out of liking people so much...for my own sanity and for the sake of this pathetic, trembling organ in my chest. I must be cursed. Marlena came over, the inevitable happened...kinda don't wanna talk about it, but let's just say I'm starting to see a pattern. What a sick, lonely feeling. Sometimes I am emotional and...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
iggy:
Don't take the sheeps head out of the bath tub. Thats the best part.
tadzi:
what iggy said.

i can relate though...my pattern is that they disappear without a trace out of nowhere. i seem to only become attracted to emotionally broken women. frown
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Oh sweet merciful meat cleavers...
Marlena is coming over to keep me companyblush . Oh jeez. Why am I so nervous? We've hung out before...oh cool! i'm vulnerable! yes. score. awesome. belly bump. high five. go jen. Perfect. ughh that weird giddy feeling..she reminds me of..ouija boards, camel cigarettes and loose soil ::sigh:: and of course we'll just be friends...friends that see each other naked....
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The winter's got me even if the sun is shining. Miserable...a polite winter. Lately, it's like, I feel blank. my clothes smell like grandfather clocks and tobacco, and I'm listening to Hole again and there's a heart attack in a jar quietly buzzing on a bookshelf. Do I have to feel this vacant? I feel love, but it doesn't shine. I guess I'll just have...
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ceraphim2:
i will incorect. don't be sad... its not a good use of time unless youre using it to your advantage while creating something. maybe this will make you happy...
last night i fulfilled your fantasy, haha. sounds wierd right? but there was this girl at the bar with a crutch and picked it up to move it off of a chair so i cuold sit down and i hit the girl on the other side of me right in the face with it. now smile you.
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Status one intensive outpatient starts tomorrow. Funny, I got my paycheck and said "Wow, look at all the money I'm not going to spend on drugs" Shit for brains. I think the money will go towards a new pair of Docs. Mmmm. I'm so tempted to buy a pair of white ones, but I know I wont.
I may go out Saturday night depending on...
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iggy:
that chick sounds like a wierdo.

wierdos. all of 'em. kiss
iggy:
i do need to go buy vegan shit. maybe i will make that trip if my car feels like cooperating.
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Status one intensive outpatient. Grand.

Went to East Orange last night, yes it's a shithole, but some of my dearest friends rome there. Saw a beautiful squater girl there...and then i found myself saying "NO JEN! you will just end up with a broken heart and scabies like the last time". God damn you travelin girls!

I went out to lunch with my dad... Thai...
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Morphine lollipops and a red notebook.
more on fancy:
From prehistory it can be seen that what raises man above the animals (if indeed this can be claimed at all) is a special capacity that has long and mistakenly been identified as reason, but which we now venture to call fanciness(!!!). It is now generally accepted that reason cannot bear the weight that westerm tradition...
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incorect:
All these parts, your regrets, my poor grammar, fashion sense, smell, damage to the olfactory nerve, the holes in your pupil, my first cigar, the first time i made myself bleed, the last time i made myself bleed, silent diapproval, i hope they lock me up, you hope they lock me up, ruins, ruins, ruins, osteology, romance, romance, fat cells in the bath tub, a jar making noises, , , G, boot prints in mud, your favorite vital organ, dirt, famous suicides, a mandolin, the attic, your friends, not so famous suicides, plastic wrap or testimonials, busy signal, bad teeth, a winner, never say you're sorry, miss your target, you know it's true, anxiety for good things, double image, don't you fret now, art museums, cocaine, never ending rain, construction sites, tell people what i would never do, act, lie, choke, solve for why, never ending rain, practice kissing, drown, latin for 'i burn', latin for 'headache in my heart', or german for 'can you end my life', empty can, empty chest, pillow full of blood, head full of blood, kitchen sink, lungs, the top drawer, cantonese for 'can you end my life', it's just money, that which you already know but wont admit, smug, poetry festivals, psychotic episodes, re-runs, no one cares about you, stupid laugh, someone beautiful, dark pensive eyes, that smile, crippling depression, a fit, wedding cake, power, a survivor, electrical outlets stuffed with clay, fear of dying, a liar, throw the phone against the wall, throw myself down the stairs, enemies, clouds, rifles, sitting on speakers, squatter girls can be tender too, korean for 'can you end my life', boiled potatoes, i will be anything, parachutes, dirty finger nails, happy to see me, no idea, missing time, a winner, boots touching boots, even more precipitation, a sad song, fistful of bella donna, medicine, the other side of the country, quirky smile, manic, manic, manic, around the throat, speak slow, dramatic hand gestures, hold me back, self loathing, whatever you want, ,,
tadzi:
i always kinda figured man started to go downhill once he had too many toys...he became a slave to them. or maybe ive just watched 2001 too many times.
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I love smart girls. Marlena just called she played the harp and we talked.. my brain had an orgasm. It burned.

School gave me two weeks vacation AND a hearing with the super nintendo of the district. Two weeks of what? I could catch up on some reading!
I've barely settled in but I am contentedly scheming away; I have wicked designs upon the wall,...
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ceraphim2:
have you ever read The Last of the Mohicans, by cooper. its what i'm taking my time reading right now, its such a beautiful poetic writing style, very romantic. you can tell the guy loooved shakespeare. so anyways...hi...nice to meet you. tip of the hat, bow of the back, coin in the cup. buy yourself something warm to eat...don't spend it on drugs blackeyed
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I'm in the mood for a fantastic storm, like the one from the end of the summerin the space of five minutes the sky went from calm to absolutely black and the light went green and yellow; for a few hours it was like living under a bruise.

The song #1 Crush by Garbage still makes me feel like my chest is going to collapse...
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Damn. Dinner and a mandolin serenade in a room painted red. I feel so lucky and yet I've never been more confused in my life. She speaks russian!? It's okay, this is all probably not even happening

This is me in rotting pastel.


5.0 grams of sodium penthol (in 20cc of diluent), add 50cc pancuronium bromide, saline flush, finally, 50cc potassium chloride.
iggy:
kiss
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Can someone please explain to me why I just found a tiny image of the Tristero post horn stamped on a random page of a this secondhand-bookshop acquisition?

I suspect there are strange forces at work among us, forces either deeply unnerving, phenomenally geeky, or both.


Oh and I'm pretty sure I was just uninvited out this weekend

Let's not shit ourselves