inannamute

I have a question for you.

Is honesty so difficult?.

I ask this, because there have been many times in my life where people have lied to me. I don't mean little lies, I mean great big fat stinking oh my god how could you lie to me about this lies.

I understand that at times, lying is necessary. But I think that if there is someone in your life who you owe a certain truth to, it doesn't matter how hard it is, you should have the balls to come out and tell them. I think that 99 times out of a hundred, you will gain their respect for at least having the guts to be honest, regardless of how bad the thing is. Whenever they find out later, or when you finally admit your whopper, however, the reaction has to be less favorable. I know when people have lied to me about things, it's not the fact itself that upsets me, it's the fact that they could knowingly deceive me about something that actively affects me, or my immediate perception of them.

I'm not sure if it's just that I've been afflicted with people who actively lie to me or not. I know my ex husband blamed his lying on me, that it was too hard to tell me the truth because I'm so honest and he didn't want to piss me off. (Ok, yes, I admit I can be a bitch, but not when it really counts). Of course, liars tend to be able to come up with all kinds of justifications and reasons why they just HAD to lie to you, but there's never one that's good enough. If you expect my trust, you have to deserve it. If I don't handle whatever you have to tell me in a way that pleases you, then it's your right to get the fuck outta my life. But at least do me the courtesy of telling me straight up what you're about, what you've done, whatever.

Example. My most recent ex was a chef. When I met him, he worked in a fairly upscale italian place. Shortly before we split up, he got fired, but he told ME that he'd quit. Now, in the weeks or so that followed, he expected me to pay his bills for him, help him out with gas money, cigarettes, etc. To a certain extent I did, but I refuse to spend $100 a week on someone else's nicotine habit. Sorry, but that's just me. I don't smoke, so damned if I'm gonna support someone else's habits. My reasoning was that if he'd wanted to keep smoking that much, he wouldn't have quit his job. I hate my job at times, but I still do it because hey, it's a living. I work really fucking hard for my cash, so having someone else spend it ain't my idea of a good time. If I'd had the truth at my disposal, I may have reacted a little more sympathetically. Being fired isn't as much of a choice - though sometimes it is - as quitting is.

To this day, of course, he still lies about it, despite the fact that I know so many people in that restaurant who have told me the real story.

Whenever someone lies to you, too, you have to wonder what ELSE they've lied about. It brings you to a point where you question everything you knew and trusted about someone.

No relationship can stand up to that kind of scrutiny.

Yeah, I guess I'm kind of ranting about liars, but honestly, (hah) it's the one character flaw I cannot stand, having had other people inflict it on me far far far too many times. I do my best to be as honest as possible all the time. If you want to know, really want to know, what I think about anything, what I feel about anything, I will either tell you, or tell you why I don't want to tell you. I won't lie to you about it. I'll just vacate myself from that conversation. And if you're someone significant in my life, I'll tell you even if it makes me feel uncomfortable. I think it's only fair.

So really, is honesty difficult for you?