imagoldfish

So my parents took me to what is quite possibly one of the greatest supermarkets i've ever been to, Wegman's. I guess the East Coast can do some things right. I was in international food heaven. Not only could I acquire all the obscure food from various remote countries that I so adore, I could also get all the US stuff that I can't seem to find anywhere else, like Snyder's Buffalo Wing flavored pretzel chunks. Sweet christ i love those.

Anyhow, while there, I picked up some deoderant. I didn't put a lot of thought into which deoderant to buy, I sort of followed a playful little whim, but reflecting later, it occurred to me that it was actually a rather peculiar choice.

For starters, I use Old Spice. Men's deoderant. Why? Um, I'm not certain. Part of it, I think, has to do with the fact that I suspect it's better. I mean, remember all those Secret ads that claimed their product was "strong enough for a man"? Well shit, why not buy men's deoderant then, if it's stronger? I ain't your average shrinking violet female. I like to get rowdy. So gimme something that works. Also, women's deoderants tend to smell like baby powder, which grosses me out, big time. Finally, all my best friends in college were dudes, and they all used Old Spice. So I dunno, so do I. I never really thought about it, but maybe there is something kind of weird about a girl using men's deoderant?

What made it more weird this time, though, is that I didn't get my usual scent, but a different one. Wegman's, as it turns out, stocks a full range of Old Spice deoderants, including this particular one, which is a little less common. I am familiar with it because a former lover of mine used it. He's the only person I have ever met who used this particular scent, and I associate it very strongly with him. Or rather, not so much with him as with sex and silly romance and the general sort of mental space I was in at that time, free and happy and having a total frivolous fling with someone in a wonderful city, knowing it was going to end soon and looking forward to the future, even while enjoying the moment. So I just kind of like the smell, and I thought, you know, it will be nice to smell that more often.

But later, it occurred to me that it's kind of weird for me to wander around smelling like a past lover. I mean, smell is such a major factor for me in terms of attraction. And I sort of assume it is for other people, too. So now, the next person I get close to, if they get all attached to my smell, and think of it as that special sexy me smell... they're actually getting turned on by another dude's scent. Mingled with other me smells, I suppose, but still. Kinda odd. And then I just sort of generally started wondering if any of the people I've been with in the past have ever noticed, and been a bit puzzled, by the fact that I use men's deoderant? Is it kind of disorienting for a guy to be cuddling up to a chick that smells all clean and masculine? Though I guess when my ex-boyfriend used my Herbal Essences shampoo and smelled all girly, it was kind of a strange turn on... But do I really want to smell like somebody whom I want to sleep with?

A friend of mine told me that the problem she has with determining her sexuality is that whenever she meets a really fantastic girl, she isn't sure if she's wants her or if she wants to be her. So apparently I have the same problem regardless of the gender of the other person involved...

No wonder I sleep alone, heh heh.