last night...
oh my god...
i don't know where to begin, how far to plunge, or how the fuck to analyze my thoughts retrospectively (in an objective manner.. i'm inclined to shine my black light on these situations, however, i've come to realize that everything is good in one way or another.)
let me just tell you this:
i was locked out of my apt, so i went to my homie's. i took a shower, and by the time i got out, his living room was full of random fucks (all gussied up). there's a reason why i don't hang out with contortedly-extroverted coke-head hipsters. my body is easily intoxicated... their presence induced an intense reaction in my body; my reflection of their energy made me feel as if i were snorting all the coke they had been offering me (and goddamn, they were ALL trying to pollute my body with that shit...) not a good feeling.
snort, pose, giggle. i learned how these hipsters communicate. they bond with those that they feel that they can relate to (as we all do.) how to relate on a hipster level: you are a hardcore extrovert. you giggle to make people feel comfortable. pose, (and going out looking un-polished is unheard of...) there's always someone fabulous around that might be watching you, and if there's not, you just need to let everyone around you know how fabulous you truly are.
wow, that's what i do when i'm being a manipulative fuck and i want a particular reaction from another person. i believe that these people are doing the same thing... they want love... they want to make a connection with other human beings, and this is how they go about getting it. sure, i know how to extrovert myself and turn on the charm; in fact, i'm much better at it than most of the hipsters i was engulfed by. the thing is, we have totally different values... those types of interactions don't bring me a deep sense of joy, so i don't do this solely for acceptance from my peers. if ever i am going to extrovert myself, you can rest assured that i do have ulterior motives; the only reason i utilize this trait of my personality is when i feel the need to relate to somebody in order to get something i want/need (physical or metaphysical) or to try to give them what they need (when i'm trying to mind-fuck them without resistance.) i cannot imagine living my life as a hipster... what would've become of me if the kids in middle skool had actually accepted me??? i'm glad i was ostracized; it's given me the opportunity to see the werld from a brilliant angle.)
eww... i just remembered this misogynist fuck that i was going off on all night. he was talking so much shit about everyone, but was really complementary to me even when i was being pretty fucking brutal with him. i don't know why he said all the shit he said to me; he must've thought he had some sort of chance to fuck me. the most outrageous thing he told me was (right after i got out of the shower and got dressed and stuff) that i look like the type of girl that's pretty with no makeup on (don't be fooled by my profile flick... i just like the aesthetic of it. that was the only time i've put on makeup in the past like year. oh yeh, minus one trip to guitar center for a job.) he then asked me if i was a model. i gave him a "WTF?" look, then told him that i was a super-model. what a dipshit.
i tried to get him to meditate with me (well, not really, i could've tried much harder.. i just suggested that he do some breathing exercises with me.) this guy was fucking INSANE. he was really hyper and got these looks on his face that truly disturbed me. he said some pretty disturbing things as well. it was apparent that he was putting on a show for the people around him. basically, i informed him that he needs to learn how to respect himself. am i crazy for thinking that i could change this guy if i pulled him away from other people and pulled my hypno-skills on him? perhaps.. too bad i'll never get to find out.
onward. there is a reason why i like to carry some sort of protection when i venture out in public cerca 2 am. uhh.. yehh... there was this perv wacking it (i didn't see this, i got on too late) on the train. this bitch yelled at him and told him to keep his dick in his pants. 5 minutes later, he started talking mad shit. he went on for like 5 stops, then got in her face, and got off. she was scurred, but she did a good job pretending like she wasn't (we switched trains together and talked for a minute.) it was interesting watching these people get on the train after this guy was going on... "you punk ass white tramp... rich bitch.. [something about how she shouldn't eat quail eggs, she should eat chicken backs] it would be a privillege for you to see my big black dick. you wouldn't know what the fuck to do" what the hell did they make of this? they must've had noooo clue what was going on. their faces were like whoa.
i accepted a ride from a "stranger" after the e&a show (I LOVE DJ ABILITIES!@#!#@! most valuable lesson of the evening); i learned that not all strangers are bad, some are even trustworthy... he seemed like a genuine person with good intentions... and i was stranded.
more importantly, i learned that i'm a pretty good judge when it comes to people. my body lets me know what's up.
i've run into so many people today in my hood... i stopped and talked to a sweet stranger. this was right after my homie had dropped me off. he told me that there was something about the way i looked (yeh, i was looking bummy as fuck wearing my homie's big ass clothes, no bra, and my hair looked all fucking wild, in a good way tho.) that i looked as if i were from somewhere else. i'd told him how i felt as if i'd come from somewhere else, then proceeded to describe the hipsters i'd encountered only a few hours earlier. turns out, he's friends with dj spin, the guy that i've been spinning out with. got his number. he kissed me on the cheek.
i learned that it's not so scary to connect with people on the street... keeping my eyes up and locked on the people passing by is not a bad thing. the werst that could happen is that i'd have to stop and talk to somebody, and that's not so bad! from now on, i'm going to start shocking people on the streets again. lately, i've only been doing it when i'm with someone, but i think it'll be fun to break people's patterns in a fleeting instance. hit and run, oh yeh.
i realized the other day that i don't chew my food well enough, which is a serious problem. i believe that is why i tend to feel sick after eating (granted i'm not eating something that has the intrinsic tendency to make me sick) because a) my food ends up going into my stomach in a form very similar to it's prepared form. consequently, my digestive system has to do a lot more werk [to make up for the half assed job done by my subservient mouth, in response to the subconscious demands made by indulgent (thus, negligent) conscious mind] to digest it and turn it into the energy my body needs, then release it and b) i end up overeating because i'm more focused on taking the next bite than i am on finishing the one in my mouth. yeh, i'm pretty fucking disorderly, but now that i've been using my teeth to liquify my food, i've come to realize that eating is a pain in the ass... maybe now i'll stop associating pleasure to it.
oh yeh, one last thing... i learned that i really need to check ALL my pockets before throwing my sweaty-from-dancing-all-night clothes in the washing machine; i ended up washing my cell fone last night. oops.
wow, the chronology of this rambling has been very odd. whatever.
should i go to detroit with my homies this weekend? alex is going... alex rocks. (i wanted to say "i [heart] alex, but i don't know how to make the symbol werk without it looking like a "?" how am i supposed to do it?)
oh my god...
i don't know where to begin, how far to plunge, or how the fuck to analyze my thoughts retrospectively (in an objective manner.. i'm inclined to shine my black light on these situations, however, i've come to realize that everything is good in one way or another.)
let me just tell you this:
i was locked out of my apt, so i went to my homie's. i took a shower, and by the time i got out, his living room was full of random fucks (all gussied up). there's a reason why i don't hang out with contortedly-extroverted coke-head hipsters. my body is easily intoxicated... their presence induced an intense reaction in my body; my reflection of their energy made me feel as if i were snorting all the coke they had been offering me (and goddamn, they were ALL trying to pollute my body with that shit...) not a good feeling.
snort, pose, giggle. i learned how these hipsters communicate. they bond with those that they feel that they can relate to (as we all do.) how to relate on a hipster level: you are a hardcore extrovert. you giggle to make people feel comfortable. pose, (and going out looking un-polished is unheard of...) there's always someone fabulous around that might be watching you, and if there's not, you just need to let everyone around you know how fabulous you truly are.
wow, that's what i do when i'm being a manipulative fuck and i want a particular reaction from another person. i believe that these people are doing the same thing... they want love... they want to make a connection with other human beings, and this is how they go about getting it. sure, i know how to extrovert myself and turn on the charm; in fact, i'm much better at it than most of the hipsters i was engulfed by. the thing is, we have totally different values... those types of interactions don't bring me a deep sense of joy, so i don't do this solely for acceptance from my peers. if ever i am going to extrovert myself, you can rest assured that i do have ulterior motives; the only reason i utilize this trait of my personality is when i feel the need to relate to somebody in order to get something i want/need (physical or metaphysical) or to try to give them what they need (when i'm trying to mind-fuck them without resistance.) i cannot imagine living my life as a hipster... what would've become of me if the kids in middle skool had actually accepted me??? i'm glad i was ostracized; it's given me the opportunity to see the werld from a brilliant angle.)
eww... i just remembered this misogynist fuck that i was going off on all night. he was talking so much shit about everyone, but was really complementary to me even when i was being pretty fucking brutal with him. i don't know why he said all the shit he said to me; he must've thought he had some sort of chance to fuck me. the most outrageous thing he told me was (right after i got out of the shower and got dressed and stuff) that i look like the type of girl that's pretty with no makeup on (don't be fooled by my profile flick... i just like the aesthetic of it. that was the only time i've put on makeup in the past like year. oh yeh, minus one trip to guitar center for a job.) he then asked me if i was a model. i gave him a "WTF?" look, then told him that i was a super-model. what a dipshit.
i tried to get him to meditate with me (well, not really, i could've tried much harder.. i just suggested that he do some breathing exercises with me.) this guy was fucking INSANE. he was really hyper and got these looks on his face that truly disturbed me. he said some pretty disturbing things as well. it was apparent that he was putting on a show for the people around him. basically, i informed him that he needs to learn how to respect himself. am i crazy for thinking that i could change this guy if i pulled him away from other people and pulled my hypno-skills on him? perhaps.. too bad i'll never get to find out.
onward. there is a reason why i like to carry some sort of protection when i venture out in public cerca 2 am. uhh.. yehh... there was this perv wacking it (i didn't see this, i got on too late) on the train. this bitch yelled at him and told him to keep his dick in his pants. 5 minutes later, he started talking mad shit. he went on for like 5 stops, then got in her face, and got off. she was scurred, but she did a good job pretending like she wasn't (we switched trains together and talked for a minute.) it was interesting watching these people get on the train after this guy was going on... "you punk ass white tramp... rich bitch.. [something about how she shouldn't eat quail eggs, she should eat chicken backs] it would be a privillege for you to see my big black dick. you wouldn't know what the fuck to do" what the hell did they make of this? they must've had noooo clue what was going on. their faces were like whoa.
i accepted a ride from a "stranger" after the e&a show (I LOVE DJ ABILITIES!@#!#@! most valuable lesson of the evening); i learned that not all strangers are bad, some are even trustworthy... he seemed like a genuine person with good intentions... and i was stranded.
more importantly, i learned that i'm a pretty good judge when it comes to people. my body lets me know what's up.
i've run into so many people today in my hood... i stopped and talked to a sweet stranger. this was right after my homie had dropped me off. he told me that there was something about the way i looked (yeh, i was looking bummy as fuck wearing my homie's big ass clothes, no bra, and my hair looked all fucking wild, in a good way tho.) that i looked as if i were from somewhere else. i'd told him how i felt as if i'd come from somewhere else, then proceeded to describe the hipsters i'd encountered only a few hours earlier. turns out, he's friends with dj spin, the guy that i've been spinning out with. got his number. he kissed me on the cheek.
i learned that it's not so scary to connect with people on the street... keeping my eyes up and locked on the people passing by is not a bad thing. the werst that could happen is that i'd have to stop and talk to somebody, and that's not so bad! from now on, i'm going to start shocking people on the streets again. lately, i've only been doing it when i'm with someone, but i think it'll be fun to break people's patterns in a fleeting instance. hit and run, oh yeh.
i realized the other day that i don't chew my food well enough, which is a serious problem. i believe that is why i tend to feel sick after eating (granted i'm not eating something that has the intrinsic tendency to make me sick) because a) my food ends up going into my stomach in a form very similar to it's prepared form. consequently, my digestive system has to do a lot more werk [to make up for the half assed job done by my subservient mouth, in response to the subconscious demands made by indulgent (thus, negligent) conscious mind] to digest it and turn it into the energy my body needs, then release it and b) i end up overeating because i'm more focused on taking the next bite than i am on finishing the one in my mouth. yeh, i'm pretty fucking disorderly, but now that i've been using my teeth to liquify my food, i've come to realize that eating is a pain in the ass... maybe now i'll stop associating pleasure to it.
oh yeh, one last thing... i learned that i really need to check ALL my pockets before throwing my sweaty-from-dancing-all-night clothes in the washing machine; i ended up washing my cell fone last night. oops.
wow, the chronology of this rambling has been very odd. whatever.
should i go to detroit with my homies this weekend? alex is going... alex rocks. (i wanted to say "i [heart] alex, but i don't know how to make the symbol werk without it looking like a "?" how am i supposed to do it?)
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
rae:
so when are you gonna be in LA by?
susannahjoy:
hey i just read your comments with endlessben in the olsen twins thread and i just wanted to say that i really appreciated what you said. it was basiclaly all that stuff that i wanted to say but was too upset at the moment to do so. i'm jsut glad someone else called him on his total lack of sensitivity to the very real problem of ed's.