illuminatus:
Well, it is certainly safe to say that it has been a little bit since I have been here. Really, my communication seems to be pretty minimal in the past couple weeks. Where to start....My mother's wedding is really where it started. It was awesome, I walked her down the aisle and gave her away, had an awesome Bond suit for the night with a Star Wars tie clip because fuck yes, and my son was the life of the party, posing on the carpet for over thirty photo's with the photographer. I sang, danced, spent time with family, and had generally the best time in the world. Then I broke my phone whilest hammered, but hey, insurance got me a new one eventually. Forgot my KiK login shit though, and have since just let it kind of slide.Then I came home to Connecticut, and the depression started again. My days are filled with work, my evenings filled with cleaning and playing with the boy, and my nights spent trying to get myself to do some school work, but searching endlessly for a job back home.The depression is just too strong. I keep delaying school work, procrastinating to the point of killing myself on weekends to finish out the week. Just got the grade for one assignment, 22/40. Went from a 94 in the class to an 89. A real punch in the face, and a slight wake up call. I haven't really been able to bring myself to talk to anyone, I don't feel like I have anything to say to them. Part of me just wants to be left the fuck alone, but the logic in me screams for attention and conversation. I mean, fuck, I'm even rubbing one out less. WTF?My external interaction recently has consisted of exactly the following: Work, the two guys at the convenience store I get my smokes from, various cashiers, my son, and my digital devices, from time to time I tend to yell at them because they do not function as I would like them to (I'm looking at you, Apple.....). That's pretty much it. With one notable exception...Satellite radio has become my life. Tons of new fucking music out there (fucking CHEVELLE!!!) and the discovery of something interesting. Years ago, in my late teens, I was the singer of a hard rock band, and we played a good show with a local metal band. I got to join the singer and have a good time on stage with them. So this new band I heard, From Ashes to New, is from my town, and behold, its Boo, the guitarist from that metal band,rocking the guitar on XM, and currently on the Warped Tour. It's cool I know people making in what I always considered a childhood fantasy. Fucking good for him.Moving on... my sexual desires are in a bit of a weird place. Those rare occasions I really feel like doing something, it is a strange mix of dominating someone or being incredibly intimate. Fuck me, I miss that crazy sex that makes you bleed into the next morning, but I could really use a woman who can stand there and cradle my head as I kneel and press my face into her stomach.Or shit, just a good hug at this point. Fuck, I hate this damn town.Anyways, I got a ton of pages to write, a Pi to program, ferrets to entertain, and eventually sleep to get.