illuminatus

Watched Battle: Los Angeles yesterday as a triple date with ym buddy, his date, my little brother, his girlfriend, and of course my girl Eurynome. Took some energy out of me. I have't seen or heard of an action movie getting four stars in a long ass time, but after seeing that movie, you can understand why. Extremely epic.

Made it through some intense moments just fine, through some parts that really triggered memories, sat through them just fine as well. I tensed up a few times, but was able to recollect myself. Minus one part where someone is bitching about a certain MRE, well I was the only person in the entire place laughing. That one I just let go of, nothing negative.

By the movie's end, I was completely engrossed in the whole thing. Like another filmmaker reached out and controlled my heart beat with his bare hands. I could feel a swell of.... a million emotions baring down on my heart and mind all at once, and surrounded by dozens of people whom share none of these with me, I needed to get out of there. I may have been one of the first people to stand, but I was definitely among the last to leave. I think my entourage were the only people behind me.

In the middle of a movie theater, there was one man crying like there was no tomorrow. Me. Like perfect gravity, all the thoughts and emotions I had been thinking about while sitting down, slammed into my heart when I stood up, because I sat right back down, hid my face from all that was around me, and cried. When it was done I couldn't help but wonder what would be going through the heads of all the "normal" people who witnessed it. I could care less, but the curiosity was still there.

I believe this is the first time my brother has seen this of me. I can only imagine what he was thinking. Apparently, it was enough to call my mother, who had thought that I went out and got wasted to deal with it. But as it turns out, I didn't even get drunk, not even buzzed. Sure, I had a couple drinks, but that was part of the plan anyways. It's saturday for fuck's sakes, karaoke night. Though the karaoke sucked ass, the pizza was good!

Anyways, it's brings me back to one thing, the same thought it always brings me back to. In ways, I will always be alone out here. In a crowd of three hundred people, 299 don't fully understand why one is broken down in the corner. Though 5 of them may know why, they don't completely get it.

Through it all, the tears and the fear, the sheer terror and the gripping adrenaline. After witnessing merely a movie that touches base with it all, I still want it. Again and again. It's a drug, one that though I may have physically kicked a long time ago, I will always crave more.

In closing... kitty...