illuminatus

sooo, ill make this one short.....

seeing as how i apparently dont have the right to receive closure, i went ahead and spent the day thinking and formulating closure for myself. i wont go into details seeing as how it needs not to be said. but the revelation that i came across... well. going through the past conversations and all the events that led to this, i find that i was so blindly infatuated with her, that i ignored many of her flaws and just refused to see others. opening myself up to them, i see that she is nowhere near good enough for me, and that im better off without her. i am not her host, and she is no longer my parasite.

but i find myself in a slight state of loneliness. its not that i miss her, though she did have qualities that i look for yet dont find often. she was the closest thing to the right one so far. yet she is still so far away from the right anything. but now, with a better understanding of who i am as a person and a better grasp of what it is im after in a girl, im ready emotionally and mentally to find the right one. im ready, and wanting, to find this nameless her that i have been seeking my whole life. im ready to give myself entirely, and i so want someone.

so i can go ahead and move myself from the single and recovering, to the single and looking.... but nothing below serious at this point. not to say that a couple good nights wouldnt be nice lol.

i know what to look for, and the sad thing is, i dont know where to start my search.

i am confident, though, that i will indeed find her... and i will, indeed, be happy with her.