illuminatus

going on hiatus.....
dont know how long...

it's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right.

my pain is only strengthening.
my strength is only weakening.
my heart, dissipating.
my mind, terrorizing.

for the first time since the death of my brother.... i am.... depressed.

my life... so lonely, so lost.
myself.... so far away.

i find it harder and harder to smile each day.
the mirror is nothing left but a blurry image behind a broken mask.
i think about who i am and see one thing is clear....
i am nothing

i have no concerns anymore.
i have no care.
i couldnt give a shit whats going on in the world.
i dont give a shit whats going on in my world.

my only concern now...
the only thing thats keeping me going....
my family
thats it....

if not for them...
there would be no school
there would be no friends
there would be nothing remaining of what once was me

just a fat short guy with too much beer and no money

i wish there was an easy way out....
not to THAT extent, however

"The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives." - Albert Schweitzer