the mind has been in a state on constant siege. im stuck trying to defend my choices and values from attackers of an unknown source. its not depressing by any means, just annoying. these assaulting thoughts are defending people and ideas that are not deserving of defense. i sort it all out through the violence of my video games, allowing my subconscious to clean up... Read More
i already had a blog covering the positive reinforcement i have been receiving over the past while, but last night a conversation started that has had me thinking a bit all day. i need to speak of it, if only for the calming conclusion of the discussion to be shared.
last night was a night out i hadnt done in awhile. me and a fun... Read More
i spend most of my time looking into the mirror, because i believe that you cannot help others if you cannot help yourself. and if more people believed this, they would probably be happier.
"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength."
- August Wilson
"The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: Be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge."
- Elbert Hubbarb
this one is sure to be long enough that no one will want to read it. it is also, surely, filled with things that will probably piss most people off. but if its only good for me to speak my mind, then goddamnit i will do it. (note: wrote this is class between moments of paying attention and eating, so it may jump a bit)... Read More
i dont know what to say. i have started a blog, but after about half an hour of writing, deleted it all.
my mind is still in overdrive, as i am analyzing the results of what i have been calling my "social experiments" and this discussions i have had during them. i am also analyzing my break up, which i could and should stop, but,... Read More
"Are these the names we lose again and again, sing i don't care what it costs."
that song has nothing really to do with my emotions or whatever, just fell in love with it recently.
my thoughts..... for some reason, are coming full circle on myself. for my social experiment i spoke of before, i was out with a new bud from school last night,... Read More
the dreams continue to haunt, and are only increasing in intensity recently. after visiting the VA hospital and taking my mental health screening, i got to get some out, if only for a brief moment, but it helped to get things off my chest. my first full appointment is may 26th, and already the things are returning.
waking up angry, depressed, terrified, in tears.... Read More
seeing as how i apparently dont have the right to receive closure, i went ahead and spent the day thinking and formulating closure for myself. i wont go into details seeing as how it needs not to be said. but the revelation that i came across... well. going through the past conversations and all the events that led to... Read More
intro..... my apologies cannot be checked in, they are voided.
story... "a man in prison breaks down. in tears, he cries out to God. "God, i am so sorry for what i have done. i have been an evil man, and i cannot bear what i see in the mirror. i do not know where to turn, but i never want to be that man... Read More
hello, i'm your martyr.... will you be my gangster?
a pretty good explanation of my thoughts throughout the day. i can honestly say that my logic is finally overturning my previous emotions. the more i dig in my quest to understand another, the more and more i feel as though i almost don't. yet, this search for closure, this simple search for an apology for... Read More
... Thank you so much for your commet on my set i!!! I really appreciate it!!!kiss pretty day 
