Today is a day I am left sitting around wondering why I waste my life away trying to do this bullshit I do and don't just get in line like the rest of the people and try to be happy like everyone else.
I don't get paid shit to do what I do. I certainly haven't ever come close to making money.I waste my weekends and week nights working on shit no one gives a fuck about.
Everyone around me is so fucking well off, so fucking successful. And I sit here and fiddle on a computer doing something I love, but hate myself for and no one gives a shit about.
Maybe I am too old for this shit, maybe I am too quiet. maybe I am too shitty, maybe I am too inexperienced. Maybe I am too cold, maybe I am too thoughtful. Maybe I am too traditional, maybe I am not creative enough.
This doesn't happen here at all, but I see what gets praise form people, and it isn't anything near what I do. I just think of it as so cheesy, so bleh. I don't know how to think about what I want out of my photos, but it isn't a girl on a cheesy lake that was put there with green screen tech and looks like something from 90's cable access TV shows.
Of course, I won't stop doing what I am doing. I will continue with it for as long as I can. Some day, I just sit and wonder why, though. But then I think to being an 8 year old kid in an oil painting class, and I know its that same thing that made me want to be there. I have always had something to say, and no words to say them. I just need to stop being afraid to shout them out with my work.
That said, here are a couple edits I did in the last couple days.
I don't get paid shit to do what I do. I certainly haven't ever come close to making money.I waste my weekends and week nights working on shit no one gives a fuck about.
Everyone around me is so fucking well off, so fucking successful. And I sit here and fiddle on a computer doing something I love, but hate myself for and no one gives a shit about.
Maybe I am too old for this shit, maybe I am too quiet. maybe I am too shitty, maybe I am too inexperienced. Maybe I am too cold, maybe I am too thoughtful. Maybe I am too traditional, maybe I am not creative enough.
This doesn't happen here at all, but I see what gets praise form people, and it isn't anything near what I do. I just think of it as so cheesy, so bleh. I don't know how to think about what I want out of my photos, but it isn't a girl on a cheesy lake that was put there with green screen tech and looks like something from 90's cable access TV shows.
Of course, I won't stop doing what I am doing. I will continue with it for as long as I can. Some day, I just sit and wonder why, though. But then I think to being an 8 year old kid in an oil painting class, and I know its that same thing that made me want to be there. I have always had something to say, and no words to say them. I just need to stop being afraid to shout them out with my work.
That said, here are a couple edits I did in the last couple days.