ikon

cerulean hearts relive imaginary scenes through erstwhile lives


I am feeling more and more that my
life is about to change in a big way.
Not sure if it's going to be for the
better or for the worse, but change
is going to happen for sure.
Will it be months, or days?
Do I really want to know?
Something happened recently that has me
rethinking some of the goals I have, in the
past, set for myself. Goals that now seem
more like boundaries put in place to keep
myself from moving on and doing things that,
if I just accepted as normal, might make me
happy.
Having to rethink a lot of things in the next
few weeks.
A few weeks. For some reason, without really
knowing why, I totally believe that that is all the
time I am going to have to act upon something
important.
It's just very frustrating, because I don't know
what it is that I am suppose to change, do, do
differently, or do not at all.
Am I to say yes to something that I normally
would say no too?
Am I to look at something in a different light?
I know there are things about myself that I need
to change if I am going to be taken seriously in
the very near future.
I know that there are things that are starting to
happen that I need to act upon, or I will regret
my in-actions.
I always say to anyone that is kind enough to
listen that I hate the feeling of being stagnant.
But that has, in fact, been the last 2 years of my
life.
Not moving forward for fear of failure.
It's like driving with the parking break on.
I advance in small halting motions that are
so small, I might as well be standing still.
Still is safer right? But maybe I am missing
out on something, and this "whatever it is"
is starting to wind me up in big heavy coils
of doubt.