Dealing with someone who is a bit off
Ring, Ring, Ring
My office line is ringing, so I answer it.
"Why are you still there? Why are you answering the phone? Haven't you left yet?"
This is, of course, my mom.
"What are you talking about Mom?" I ask
"Why are you still there?" she repeats, "Don't you know what's going on?"
"Still confused, but not surprised, I ask her again, "What's wrong Mom?"
Before I tell you her reply, I feel the need to explain that my Mom is not very well. Or so I believe, but you can't tell her that. She thinks she's right as rain. My mom has had some health issues in the last couple of years. One issue in particular was a small stroke which manifested itself one morning as she was driving to work and "fell asleep" at the wheel and woke up in on-coming traffic.
She insists it wasn't a stroke, and who am I to argue with her about it? I'm not a doctor. I didn't go to medical school. I'm just the loser son that has wasted his life. Those are her words BTW. Now from this, I would normally expect that with her advancing years, she'd have Alzhiemer's or something, but I really think it's more of an organic dementia brought on by the stroke. She's not forgetful, she just "has moments of someone else's clarity", and that's the only way I can put it. She doesn't see aliens, or dinosaurs, or think that the moon is made of cheese, but she will wrap her head around something until she has herself believing the impossible, and ends all of these thoughts with a resounding
"I told you so."
Needless to say, the last couple of years have been eventful when dealing with my mom.
Back to the phone call, and her reply.
"It has started. There are troops landing at your airport. They are on the ground as we speek, and you are still there. Why are you still there?"
"Mom, I have no idea what you are talking about?"
"There are troops landing at your airport. You need to find out what's going on"
She hangs up. I call her work. She's not working today.
I call her home. No answer.
I call over to Ramp operations, they handle the inbound and outbound flights at the airport, and I ask if there have been any diversions of military planes? These things do happen every once and a while, so it's not an uncommon occurrence. They put me on hold, and after a few seconds, return to the phone and tell me, that there was a couple of military fighters that had just landed. No reason, but most likely they are here from Houston to be out of hurricane Ike's way.
I call my mom at home. No answer.
I think that the impossible has just happened. My mom used her cell phone. She hates the thing with a passion, but understands why I want her to have it, and by gum, she has finally used it. So I call her cell.
"....[fizzle]...[skreetch]....home .....how come......[crackle] .....don't ....[fizzle] ..... never listen ........[more crackling]......nuclear ......[buzz] .....like a glowing chicken!"
"MOM, walk outside, the reception is terrible"
"What? Did you leave?"
small sigh
"Mom. it's just a diversion from Houston to get planes out of the way of Hurricane Ike."
"Oh, well, that's not what I saw this morning. You know it's going to be any day now that we are going to have Cuban troops on American soil, and it's going to happen right here"
small sigh, rinse, repeat
"Mom. We're not getting invaded. If there was going to be an attack, there's far more strategic places than West Palm Beach."
"I didn't say anything about an invasion. You know that's already happened back in the early 80's with all of those fucking boats coming into Miami. Castros' criminals my ass. Those are soldiers on American soil, and we just let them right in"
At this point I just let her rant for the next 20 minutes without really listening to her. I know the drill. Fill the brief silence with a lot of yups and a-huhs. Eventually she runs herself out and tells me she loves me and hangs up, but not before I get the obligatory
"I told you so"