Back out of the field. Back in a bed, with daily showers, hot food, and the option to exercise. Back out of the field where I work with a majority of people I dislike. Clouds for every silver lining. I'm not really certain if I should try to change my thought patterns because if I stay broken, I could get out early, but I'm tired of being broken and I don't like spending days barely functioning.
Learned that one of my younger sisters has a mild drinking problem. Kinda impressive as she's not of drinking age. She's trying to cut back because she realizes it's a problem. Hopefully that combined with whatever help she can get will help with her other problems.
My dreams have been weird recently. My subconscious is retarded and thinks that if I were no longer single, it would solve all of my problems. The messages that stick out from the two dreams I remember most vividly are "Stop worrying about the consequences of your actions. You cannot move forward if you are too scared to take a step," and "we can get better, together."
I don't like that my brain is reinforcing the thought pattern that I'm fucked up because I'm alone.