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igobymanynames

Reunion

Member Since 2004

Followers 1 Following 68

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Monday Sep 13, 2004

Sep 13, 2004
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I am consumed with feeling at this point in time. Like my just yearning to stay together, to be cohesive because it is not a good time to let it spill out of me.

Strange to still e emotional about the world, the people I don't know. I see soldiers marching as a I drive by a suburban army base or storage plant of some sort. I don't know what they do there. I just imagine a man walking by performing the sign of the cross. If one of the army people saw it, would they think of the possibility of dying in Iraq for a moment? What psychological tricks must be in place to not feel that the way one might feel in the face of taking their own life. I couldn't help but shed a tear. Whether ignorant, bold, or self-effacing. It must be a horrible thought. to truly face. I wish it on no one.

Thoughts to marinate - power, freedom, obligation, desire, intention, effect, misunderstanding,

Hmmm... Voltaire's questions:
- where is home to you?
- where are you actually from?
- would you say you were more domineeering, or submissive? You can't say somewhere in between you have to pickone or the other. them's the rules.

1. Homeless in tears and satisfied with myself, Being dressed in drag with electric blue eyelinr by my HS girlfriend and best friend at the time, with my head connected to my hand as it writes.

2. I wonder. Technically, an affluent Chicago suburb. Or Belmont and Clark circa 1990? Or on the street in Denver? Facing the weakness of others and not having the power to do anything about it? In the company of the creative, neurotic, fighters and dorp outs nad otherwise misunderstood persons.

3. I seek only to dominate myself. All others can view me how they like. I'll avoid or appease... whatever gives me my space the soonest. What looks like submission is one thing. I was inspired by a woman named Alex, who said "Be flexible past the point of pain." I do yearn to submit but I have not found anyone to submit to yet. Yes I know I sound like an arrogant prick for saying that... but what can I do about what others think?

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