ignignot

This is not going to be a happy or funny update at all.

after two years of depression and anger things have not improved at all.

I've tried being social, I've tried putting the past behind me, and it's not worked.

so what do I do?

well I just don't know anymore, I'm sick of everybody telling me that "it'll get better, things will improve" blah blah blah.

no it won't.

and fine if I'm being too emo for you and you don't like it, then don't read my journal, if you do care then you'll understand.

I am getting the cosmic hint that there just is something wrong with me, this year I've met two people that I liked, alot, both gave me the ole' spanish archer with the swiftness (el-bow) for the hard of thinking.

now this is fine, you can't attract everybody all of the time right?

no in all seriousness I know what my failings are they are not things I can change, I'm sorry for being attracted to the type of person that never likes me, I'm sorry that I ever met my ex, I'm sorry for who I am, and who I was but nothing I say or do is ever going to change any of those things, so it should be a matter of just picking myself up, wiping off the dust and jumping back on the horse again,

Only things are different now I don't know what but somehow I feel hollow, devoid, bankrupt. souless.

Did I do this to myself? life ain't fair me boy, and wow don't I know it.

if you have somebody you love, make sure they know it. just be careful, cause it might not be enough.


and whoever said "tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all", that guy needs a royal kicking right in the dick area.

I wish I'd never met her, I wish she had never been a part of my life. I wish I could forget everything about her.
most of all I wish this was over.


(just think if I live another ten years I'll be that crazy bald guy that lives in the apartment upstairs from you and has like 200 cats, and wanders around in his bathrobe all day)

so I'm depressed, is that a sin? why should I feel persecuted about it? oh right, unattractive people are not supposed to have feelings, we are ugly so we should expect to get treated like crap, and that somehow makes it better.

and if you think I'm being melodramatic, well I'm sorry but I'm not when the person that I love mopre than anything in the world tells me that I look "old tired and really fat" that just makes my self esteem feel so much better.

well thanks CXXXE, I hope you rot in hell, you ruined my life and your nothing but a selfish shallow tramp, oh and btw, fake orange tan makes you look like a can of fanta.

and no CXXXE, makeup is not supposed to be put on with a paint brush and trowel. and that is such a shame for you because you used to be a really pretty and sweet girl, not the manipulative lying whore that you are now.

I know you read this, and it's sad that you do, you left me, as you constantly tell me, you're happy, well good for you, although I don't think happy people get breast implants when they don't need them, and fake boobs won't make you an attractive person, because your ugly, I may not physically be very nice to look at, but i believe I am a decent person inside, you on the other hand, are ugly as sin right to the core.

you asked me what proof that I had that you had cheated on me before you left? don't cover up your lies with accusation CXXXE just admit the truth and for once act like an adult.

oh and ps. how stupid did I think I am not to notice you driving his car?

oh yes I saw that, the car that you claimed to not know who it belonged too when it was always around when you were either "staying at your dads (more lies)" or when you were at work,

funny how a car like that, that you know nothing about at all, you end up driving.

really funny.



/oh don't feel the need to comment there really is nothing to say about any of this.