iggy

There used to be this obsession, a light outside the clouds illuminating the edges of a passing storm.

well the storm passed and all i see now is slate grey fading to night.

I could keep guessing, i could keep magnifying the details, trying to calculate the very moment he began pushing me away.

Was i two, six, ten, fifteen, twenty one....or was it earlier than that. Was i a collection of cells in the womb when he decided he didn't want me? Was the fact that my eyes are brown?

He insisted on naming me after a woman i had never known.

I feel close to her anyway.

The collection of these memories makes it hard to let go, the reasons behind the mistakes made makes it hard for me to feel remorse.