I had to get blood taken today at the doctor. I don't know why i can get an eight gauge hole punched in my ear but i whimper at the thought of having blood drawn from me...
They are testing me for mono, lymes, and a thyroid condition, cause they say i have no reason to be super tired and achey all the time.
I went horseback riding anyway, i think i would go riding if i had broken limbs...I got a call from across the pond when i was riding though, which really was quite lovely. I love unexpected long distance phone calls from that charming british man in london.
Someone come please rub my back, no screw that, whole body, in that non sexual way...please.
So yesterday in the car on the way home from work I started freaking out cause i realized that i am not doing anything in my life to help people or animals, that i am not working towards a goal greater than that of my own skin.
I study music, writing music is masturbation glorified. Songs are orgasms, and we can't get enough of them.
Maybe i should be doing something on a higher level, instead of artfully pleasing myself.
But then i thought, i would not be me, i would be trying to play a saint you know?
So the saint is petrified.
I have realized that i have a tendancy of running.
But then when i sleep i can feel him even though he remains far away from me. And it is this idea, this notion of someone loving me, not for my body and my sex, but for me, that keeps me going and keeps me from saying that my life sucks.
perhaps now i can morph into the person i always wanted to be.
They are testing me for mono, lymes, and a thyroid condition, cause they say i have no reason to be super tired and achey all the time.
I went horseback riding anyway, i think i would go riding if i had broken limbs...I got a call from across the pond when i was riding though, which really was quite lovely. I love unexpected long distance phone calls from that charming british man in london.
Someone come please rub my back, no screw that, whole body, in that non sexual way...please.
So yesterday in the car on the way home from work I started freaking out cause i realized that i am not doing anything in my life to help people or animals, that i am not working towards a goal greater than that of my own skin.
I study music, writing music is masturbation glorified. Songs are orgasms, and we can't get enough of them.
Maybe i should be doing something on a higher level, instead of artfully pleasing myself.
But then i thought, i would not be me, i would be trying to play a saint you know?
So the saint is petrified.
I have realized that i have a tendancy of running.
But then when i sleep i can feel him even though he remains far away from me. And it is this idea, this notion of someone loving me, not for my body and my sex, but for me, that keeps me going and keeps me from saying that my life sucks.
perhaps now i can morph into the person i always wanted to be.
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
Being selfish can in fact ultimately help others, which can be good. I hope once I get where I want to be as an Architect, that people will want me to build my way...for them. Most of the clients I have dealt with are not for me, nor am I for them. Music can be viewed in this way. I actually went to college for Music, before Architecture.
I believe the human spirt needs to be nourished first for self, and once that is achieved, others can be affected in a positive way.
but I dont know
hey....do you need a roomate perchange?