Well look who moved back to her home state of New Jersey. I'm not going to mince words; it feels so fucking good to be back. Charlotte was wonderful and I was able to grow and get to know myself there but it was time to come back to the scene of the crime, just as god intended.
"But Iggy," you say, "why move back to New Jersey?"
In short, to take care of my family. I've been back for about three weeks. In most of that time I've been looking for a job and helping my mother around the house. For those few that really know me you know that I've been working 6-7 day weeks between bartending and the horse farm so these last few weeks without any real obligations have been quite lovely, though now I feel the boredom and anxiety setting in. I've always had money coming in so it's an odd and unsettling feeling not getting regular deposits into my account. I've got one job offer I've accepted and am waiting on a start date and I have another interview coming up.
I miss my horses. Hopefully once I'm settled into a job I'll be able to find a barn to ride at.
Since coming back I've been inundated with memories. Some good. Some bad. I think about the person who I was when I left back in 2013 and I realize that she doesn't exist anymore. I'm eager to explore some of my old haunts but I wonder what some familiar faces will think when they see me. When I left for North Carolina over a decade ago I was a husk of a woman. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. I was on and off medications and in and out of the hospital. I felt like I was slipping off of a cliffside in a rain storm grasping for any branches or rocks that could steady my feet as I struggled to regain my vision through the deluge of rain.
In Charlotte I found my footing and the sky cleared, though the city was not totally devoid of pain. I met people and we fell in love and some of those people proved brutal, silencing me using the promise of drugs and an escape. I met people and loved them and they left this earth tragically early. But even through my lowest points I remained true to myself, something I had failed to learn how to do in NJ.
I come back not new, but I am improved.
Also, if anyone is near the Philadelphia area and would like to hang out and show me around let me know. All of my friends are closer to NYC. It's not a total pain in the ass schlepping up there but it would be nice to have some friends that are more local to where I currently reside.
Anyway, here are some recent spicy pictures:
