So I know I've been an utter slacker. A slacker of such caliber that any Gen-Xer circa 1994 would be proud. You see, I've been filled with this sort of ennui. Picture me laying about in my bed half clothed, my Venture Brothers sheets and super hero themed quilt covering at least a quarter of me, as I lament about how bored I am knowing full well that there are myriad things to accomplish but that I just don't see the point.

That's the sort of depression I've been experiencing. The crushing existential sort.

However, today I am filled with a sort of money induced mania. I guess that means you're all in luck.

The first item on our agenda: Have I ever met anyone famous?

Indeed I have, dear members of SG. In fact, I've met a few. (Kim Gordon, Thurtson Moore, Julian Casablancas, Jon Stewart, and a few more.) But the one that stands out the most is when I processed a return and purchase for Paul Rudd back in the summer of 2004. That summer, which is the summer that I was homeless and a real 'wild child', I worked at Urban Outfitters on 14th Street and 6th Avenue in New York City. We had a lot celebrities come in and out of that location. So much so that it became normal for me. (In fact, it was the Starbucks next to that location that I cut off Jon Stewart in line as I was late to work. He was pretty nice about it!)

I recognized Paul Rudd from 'Clueless'. You see, 'The Forty Year Old Virgin' hadn't come out yet and 'Wet Hot American Summer' was simply a cult classic, so the only well known film he did by that point was indeed 'Clueless' (which was a defining film of my adolescence, but I digress...). He was as handsome in person as he is in film. He came up to my counter with an item he wanted to return that he had purchased the March before. As I scanned his receipt I was filled with a sense of dread. You see, he was returning a pair of jeans of a somewhat designer level that were, in my opinion, quite pricey. Our return policy at the time stated that any return past sixty days would be returned as store credit at the current selling price. Seeing as how it was the following June, he was well past sixty days. Normally, when I inform customers of this they go from functioning adults to tyrannical children throwing the temper tantrum of the century in about .04 milliseconds of the final words of the return policy leaving my mouth. (You know, the policy stated clearly on the back of the receipt and in bold words at the counter. But whoever reads those?)

So it was only a Pavlovian response as I winced when I told him this.

You know what? He smiled broadly and said that he understood. That he knew it was his fault for waiting so long. He said would go shopping downstairs and look for something else while he left his return with me at the counter.

There was no trying to argue or bargain. His gorgeous eyes conveyed his sincerity.

He accepted the policy politely and without any sort of anger and went to go look for something else.

Now, any of you fine humans that have worked in retail know what kind of awesome person this is as most customers are fucking assholes.

After forty minutes or so, he came back to my counter (as I was the only person there that day to process returns) with another pair of pants and I did the exchange. He was patient and kind throughout the entire process, which takes longer than a regular purchase. Most people, especially in New York and the surrounding area, are fucking jerk wads so when it takes too long to do anything the lose patience and begin to berate me.

Not Paul Rudd. Not that magnificent man.

To this day I remember him fondly, not as a nice guy, but as a stellar customer that all other customers to aspire to be like.

Now onto the current homework assignment: Who are my internet BFF's that I want to meet in person?

This one is a bit trickier as I have met most of my internet BFF's in person. You see kids, back in the day it was much easier and more acceptable to want to meet your internet BFF's in person as back then we were all misfits who just wanted to bond. Nowadays, the internet is a more widely accepted place to meet people. It's no longer a haven for you to meet your fellow misfits and social outcasts, so there is apprehension when it comes to meeting your internet friends.

In fact, I spent most of last weekend with @schiavona and his wonderful wife, two people whom I met on this very site over ten years ago.

Also, back in the day we used to have regional SG gatherings all the time, so it was hard NOT to meet your internet friends.

It's all completely different now, which I'm not too fond of.

However, there are people I've met here that I have yet to meet in real life. People such as @kev1n, who isn't terribly active (if at all) and @chefbeth, whose restaurant I would love to visit. There's also @kaicito, with whom I could have glorious left versus right political discourse! Of who coud forget dear @dmaggot!!

And of course I'd love to spend more time with @ameline. Because I love her and she's amazing. The fact that she hasn't gone pink yet baffles me. She's everything SG embodies...

And now I leave you, as always, with tokens of appreciation for your patience with such a verbose update:

I call the last one, 'Me in my underpants looking vaguely bored'.