So a lot has been going on in the land of Iggy.
Since my last entry my mood as improved greatly. Thanks everyone for your kind words of support and caring. I was in a bad, dark place and it felt good knowing people care about me. Having bipolar disorder really, really sucks. Sometimes, I feel like my grey matter is deteriorating at such a fast pace that I can't keep up with it. That I am chasing memories, not unlike that scene in 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' when they're trying to outrun the memory erasing procedure, except I don't want my memories erased. They're erasing themselves on their own. It's part of the disorder and it really gets to me.
Within the last few days I had to cut someone out of my life completely. So much so that I had to block him here on SG. I've never done that before. I'm kind of a live and let live kinda gal and felt that when I told him not to contact me he would leave me alone on SG, too. Well, I was wrong and he ended up leaving snarky and passive aggressive comments on a photo I posted. It bugged me. You see, I don't like to 'air my dirty laundry' on the internet. That goes for all social media including FB and this site. I feel that if I have an issue with someone I will bring it to their attention personally, which is how I confronted this person when I tired of his passive aggression and manipulation tactics. There's only so many times I can forgive someone for being an asshole before I realize that they're actually an asshole and not just making mistakes.
It really sucks because I had fun hanging out with this person up until he became increasingly manipulative and nasty when it became apparent to him that I wouldn't be with him romantically. I hate losing friends simply because I friend zoned them.
It felt really great to stand up for myself though. I've always been the submissive and forgiving sort. I've never really stood up for myself like I did when I confronted him. It was awesome. I shall stand up for myself more often.
He was also going to shoot a set of me so I guess that means I won't be shooting any time soon. When I realized that I wouldn't be taking any pictures any time soon I sort of went on a short eating binge. It was glorious. It kind of blows being in this area. There is only one decent photographer that has shot for the site in my area and he didn't respond to a message I sent several months back. I guess I'm not worth his time. Also, things have changed greatly on this site. It used to be that SG's didn't have to pay to shoot a set for the site, but I think now we have to. This is all well and good as I believe people deserve to be paid for their work, but I can't afford to pay someone to shoot a set for the site. I work in animal rescue and while my work is rewarding it doesn't really pay well at all. We are non profit and run on donations and grants. There will be weeks at a time where I'm not paid. Because of this I can't just go throwing money around for life's more frivolous desires.
And then sometimes I think maybe I should give up on the idea of shooting. I mean, I am going to be 32 in a few short weeks. Is anyone really interested in seeing a woman in her thirties here on SG? I feel that, due to instinctual behavior, men are more interested in seeing younger women.
That and I definitely don't look the way I used to. lol.
Sometimes, I think I want to lose ten pounds. And then I want a burrito. I always go for the burrito.
I realized yesterday that it had been a while since my lady bits had been sans hair, so I shaved everything. You know, I think I like the look of having hair down there better. It's hair. I can grow it back. And I guess I will.
See? Bald lady bits.
As I mentioned before, my birthday is coming up. I am less than enthusiastic about it. I'm getting the feeling that my father was right: as you get older birthdays are less and less important. And that's why he hasn't called me on my birthday since I was 13.
It will be just another unexciting day, I suppose. Though I am toying with the idea of shaving my head on that day. Thoughts and opinions on my possible hairlessness will be appreciated and taken into consideration!!
