ifyoushowmeyours

there are times when i find the impermanence of people daunting.

i'll be the first to admit that i have what some would call "abandonment issues", though they are not without cause. but on a far less emotional, more realistic end of the spectrum: how can on be certain that they will see another again when the act of disappearing could be so simple?

it seems as though the words we hear and the actions we see are what keep us from constant fear of being left. but what if it was all a facade- or worse: what if it didn't matter? everything i say or do in reaction to what you say or do could lead me one direction, while you (or whomever) could suddenly decide that the opposite is their path of choice, with nothing to be done. or maybe all they ever said was a lie. how do you know? how can you trust?

or, lets say a single moment takes someone away from you. maybe you don't know them as well as you might like, but they could mean a lot to you even if no one in their life has ever heard of you. and how would you know? who would even know that you would want to?

the prospect of being left behind, with no room for my input, evokes fear almost as overwhelming as loneliness.

i see two options:
-befriend solitude as a defense mechanism
-remain aware that it could all disappear in an instant


all i can do is hope that eventually someone will make me feel secure in them, and that the moment won't be too fleeting...






*please note: this is not written out of depression or loneliness, but rather of examination and realism...and maybe just a dash of hope.