ifixtrains

I don't get it. Too many years of love and loyalty to walk away from... who?

I love the people that I live with. They were there for me every time I fucked up, stumbled or lost my mind. I will never have a sexual relationship with them but I learned that without them I am lonely. So lonely I go a little nuts, or a lot nuts. So instead of trying to find a relationship that will replace the feeling of family that I have, I want to find someone who can fit in and will be a compliment to the household. I really do not think that I will find someone. I just cannot imagine a girl that can hang out with us and be content with me feeling the way I do and being anything other than a casual friend and lover. It is a pretty wierd arrangement that I have and in a strange way I am the second husband in a family. The real husband is my best friend from all the way back to high school, We've been loyal to eachother through some really stupid, emotional shit. mostly on my part. His wife loves me and counts on me to cover the stuff that he can't take care of since his job has him out of town constantly. I get to live in a situation where I do not have that emptiness in my life and we pool our resources and live far beyond what we could accomplish separatly. I know that when I live alone I am desperatly unhappy and I have never found a woman who I was willing to commit to a marriage. It's hard to find someone that I want to be with day after day. It's not like I am unable to extract myself from the household but the way things are now it would be a real hardship on everybody if I just bailed out to shack up with someone. I think it could take as much as six months for me to be ready to move out and I know it would wipe out my roomates to lose the help I give them. I do not provide any money in the form of rent but I do supply a lot of the food and I work 20-30 hours a week in the household buisness. That allows them to not have to hire another employee that would not be fully utilized and be more of a loss than an advantage. In return that frees up about 750 to 1000 dollars a month of my income to pay for all the wonderfull toys that I have and lets me indulge in my hobbies and bad habits. Besides with the cost of living here in denver it would cost me over 2000 dollars a month to live someplace as nice as I do for a little extra work.

I think strippers are always a better use of your money than guns. As far as I'm concerned, one gun is all you need, but naked girls are infinite!

The strippers are out too. If she doesn't flake on me I have a date with the shopgirl. She's too young but she is nice to talk to. We'll see if she is really interested in me or just a chronic flirt.

Just been immensely stressed and taking care of family. Really, really tired all the time and have been working my ass off. I get a day off finally tomorrow, so I'll be updating and you'll get a note.

Hmmmm, strip club or rifle... what kind of rifle?
Hell, what kind of truck?

The truck was my big ford, the crewcab diesel. I figure all the low speed driving during the blizzard put a lot of extra strain on the alternator, and then highway driving with all the mag-chloride they put on the road to keep the californians from killing everybody due to black ice fnished it off. The thing was a tank during the storm though. I didn't miss any work, and even got a little overtime 'cause nobody else could get in. If there is any left, the outdoor sports clearance store has a couple little savage bolt- action rifles with synthetic stocks and iron sights chambered for .223. After taxes and discounts it will be about $250. Just what I need for our little coyote and racoon problem.

Dude, that sucks. Hang in there. In the meantime, I'm sending you a virtual steak:

That would normally be true - except everybody else here is armed too.

As long as you don't make false promises, you have no reason to feel regret. There is NOTHING WRONG with being hot for an attractive woman. Enjoy it for what it is; not everything has to be the be-all, end-all relationship, you know?

Maybe the crossed machetes are some kind of challenge to a duel?

That's exactly it. Every picture they've given us of him has been a smirking masterpiece. Grrr.