idwraith

Its important to me that the boys know their mothers family. Blythe loved her family very much and I want the boys to know and share that love. I want them to enjoy spending time with their cousins, I want them to love their Aunts and Uncles and I want them to love their Grandparents. Thats why I am glad that they get so many opportunities to spend with you and your family.

That said, pretty much since before the wedding youve made it clear you dont approve of me, you dont like me and you dont trust me. You told Airian and Kate that you didnt think Blythe should be marrying me shortly before our wedding, and just before Blythe died you accused me of some very horrible things, all of them false. You accused me of being an alcoholic, you accused me of being abusive and you accused me of being an adulterer. You made it very clear you didnt want me to be with your daughter and youd have been very happy if she had left me and come to live with you, taking my children.

So, for myself, youve made it clear that I am not a part of your family. Im just the father of your grandkids, an inconvenient fact. That is what I consider the basis of our relationship. Im going to make every opportunity available for the boys to spend time with you and the rest of your family. But I dont consider myself a part of that. Youve made it clear that Im not welcome and I can handle that.

I am going to treat my relationship with you the way a good divorce works. Im going to arrange for you to get your time with the kids, and Ill do everything in my power to make sure you have a good relationship with the boys. I will not talk poorly of you around the boys or ever do anything to undermine your relationship with them. That would be petty and cruel and it would dishonor Blythes memory. But Im not going to pretend to be a part of your family. Im not going to pretend to be welcome among you.

You have an incredible family. Geoff and Kendra are wonderful people and they married great spouses. The boys love their cousins and theyre great children. Im sorry our relationship got off to such an incredibly bad start and maybe, over time, itll change and Ill feel more welcome. But we come very very different backgrounds. Im proud to be from a military family and you guys dont approve of the military. Im not a conservative or a Republican by any means, but thats the environment I was raised in. Im not a church-goer, nor do I feel the need to be. If I hadnt married Blythe wed never have had any reason for our worlds to intersect and only the boys give us any reason to stay connected.
So Im going to do everything in my power to make sure the boys have a good relationship with you and the McCool/Beckmeyer/Thyne family. But Im not going to pretend to be a part of it and Im not sure, at this point in time, how much I want to be a part of it. I appreciate and value all of the help you give with the boys and I know your love for them is genuine and it makes me truly happy to know that that love exists.

This isnt meant to be accusatory. This isnt meant to be blaming. Its just meant to be an acknowledgement of the nature of our relationship. Im not really mad or upset about any of it, not anymore. Ive just acknowledged that you dont like me much as a person. Im ok with that. Not everyone in the world needs to like me. All I ask is that you acknowledge that I love my children and do everything in my power to take care of them, because that is the truth. Politics, Religion and Personal Ideological differences aside, I love my children just as much as you love them and I do my best for them. I'm not looking to argue about anything. I'm not looking to accuse anyone of anything. I'm not attempting to convert you to my opinions on anything. I'm just stating my opinion of where we stand. We are likely to never be very comfortable around each other. It's likely that we'll never have the same stance on anything, except for the fact that we both love the boys and want whats best for them and are willing to work for that. I appreciate and value every ounce of help that you give me with taking care of the boys. As a single father help is something that can't be taken for granted. I do not doubt for a second that you'll do everything in your power to help the boys grow up healthy and happy. I see clearly how much you love them and look out for them. I do mean in any sense to belittle that help or that love. I'm just attempting to acknowledge that your love of the boys doesn't not translate to love for me. I don't demand that it does. I will never doubt that you have the best intentions of the boys at heart, that you love them deeply and unreservedly. You've never given me a reason to think any differently.

Thank you for your time.