Ack, I'm so sober I could stand on one leg over a pit of lava while cop screamed at me to recite the alphabet backwards and in tibetan.
I wouldn't be able to do it, but I'd be sober enough not to kill him with a red hot pitchfork I was hiding in the lava.
Went out with two friends tonight, who I never get to see normally. They are an item, and they tend to spend their time enclosed in a capsule of sheer agrophobia.
:/
They never venture out. Tonight was different, we drank, laughed and had fun. Was great.
I do realise now, however, that drinking only bottles of beer is a good way to save money. But if you're buying rounds, and their round consists of vodka,whiskey,coke and lemonade....then the cost offset is somewhat destroyed.
Had fun. Met my sister. Ignored my sisters pleas for money. Ran off. Had my ex-gf's best friend hop on my face for a brief second before I managed to fend her off.
Got a text from my ex about 24 seconds later saying "what were you doing with my best friend?!!?"
I smell a conspiracy.
Left the club, some girl asked me why they call it a wonder-bra.
I said it's cause you wonder where their tits have gone once they take it off.
She nearly wet herself laughing. I think she might have. She walked funny after that. It really wasn't that humourous, maybe she was high on various drugs at the time.
Or she liked me. Probably the drugs thing. :o
Had to fight for a cab home.
Well more argue than fight. Some fuck decided to skip the queue and hop into my cab. I pulled him up and told him to piss off back to the end of the queue.
He squared up...I wasn't going to fight some random drunk nob end for a cab(you never know what they might do) but I wasn't going to move aside (I'm sorry, I've had enough of that crap).
Eventually he gave up and hoped "you die an burn in your fucking shitty fucking gay cunting cab".
Nice mouth. Do you kiss your parole officers penis in a shitty attempt to keep your drunk shitty ass out of bum-raping jail with it?
Got home to have some leftover pizza and oogle bare boobs on here.
Fantastic!
Boobies > *
Actually, I've never been a big 'breast guy' but lately I've started to feel the absence of boobies in my life. Damn hardwired dependancy. Damn you nature! (oh but well done designing them though)
The couple I was out with, well, they decided to head back to her place to 'resolve something'. Which in their speak means they went to dislodge the headboard again.
:o
They actually got complaints from their neighbours about them shagging too loud. Seems her bed lies against a hollow plaster board wall.
Which makes that a natural microphone.
Meaning the entire building has her them talkin dirty to each other.
Nice
I pretend I'm not jealous and put myself on autopilot alot. You know....smile and nod...smile and nod.
Saw a guy do a running headbutt into the window of a cop car. Pity(or lucky) for his sake it was reinforced.
He ended up on the ground with a 7 inchgash and about 100 IQ points missing.
Which would probably put him in the minus figures.
Am home FARRR to early now, this is what happens when you go out with couple who want to go play hide the sausage halfway through the night.
Grr...
Additional:
Whats brown and half eaten? The Pope's Easter Egg.
I wouldn't be able to do it, but I'd be sober enough not to kill him with a red hot pitchfork I was hiding in the lava.
Went out with two friends tonight, who I never get to see normally. They are an item, and they tend to spend their time enclosed in a capsule of sheer agrophobia.
:/
They never venture out. Tonight was different, we drank, laughed and had fun. Was great.
I do realise now, however, that drinking only bottles of beer is a good way to save money. But if you're buying rounds, and their round consists of vodka,whiskey,coke and lemonade....then the cost offset is somewhat destroyed.
Had fun. Met my sister. Ignored my sisters pleas for money. Ran off. Had my ex-gf's best friend hop on my face for a brief second before I managed to fend her off.
Got a text from my ex about 24 seconds later saying "what were you doing with my best friend?!!?"
I smell a conspiracy.
Left the club, some girl asked me why they call it a wonder-bra.
I said it's cause you wonder where their tits have gone once they take it off.
She nearly wet herself laughing. I think she might have. She walked funny after that. It really wasn't that humourous, maybe she was high on various drugs at the time.
Or she liked me. Probably the drugs thing. :o
Had to fight for a cab home.
Well more argue than fight. Some fuck decided to skip the queue and hop into my cab. I pulled him up and told him to piss off back to the end of the queue.
He squared up...I wasn't going to fight some random drunk nob end for a cab(you never know what they might do) but I wasn't going to move aside (I'm sorry, I've had enough of that crap).
Eventually he gave up and hoped "you die an burn in your fucking shitty fucking gay cunting cab".
Nice mouth. Do you kiss your parole officers penis in a shitty attempt to keep your drunk shitty ass out of bum-raping jail with it?
Got home to have some leftover pizza and oogle bare boobs on here.
Fantastic!
Boobies > *
Actually, I've never been a big 'breast guy' but lately I've started to feel the absence of boobies in my life. Damn hardwired dependancy. Damn you nature! (oh but well done designing them though)
The couple I was out with, well, they decided to head back to her place to 'resolve something'. Which in their speak means they went to dislodge the headboard again.
:o
They actually got complaints from their neighbours about them shagging too loud. Seems her bed lies against a hollow plaster board wall.
Which makes that a natural microphone.
Meaning the entire building has her them talkin dirty to each other.
Nice
I pretend I'm not jealous and put myself on autopilot alot. You know....smile and nod...smile and nod.
Saw a guy do a running headbutt into the window of a cop car. Pity(or lucky) for his sake it was reinforced.
He ended up on the ground with a 7 inchgash and about 100 IQ points missing.
Which would probably put him in the minus figures.
Am home FARRR to early now, this is what happens when you go out with couple who want to go play hide the sausage halfway through the night.
Grr...
Additional:
Whats brown and half eaten? The Pope's Easter Egg.
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~cheers
~cheers