So, as the title states this will be a few of my thoughts on the subject of masturbation. In one of my earlier blogs about me having the flu a few weeks ago I mentioned that masturbation was off the table. If you would like to stop here and catch on the details of why this was an issue please feel free to do so.
Being a guy, the details will slightly be skewed in the male direction so I would be grateful if any females would like to lend their thoughts on the topic.
Even if there is a significant other that would engage in sex, and in my situation there is, (except when I have the flu, honestly who would come near me) sometimes the need to take matters into your own hands is just the easier thing to do. Also, in my situation we have a guest bedroom at the far end of our house. I have been over the flu for a bit now but there is still some coughing and congestion so here I find myself, in isolation. It is really quite pleasant, big ass TV, streaming media, PS4, and best of all sweet sweet solitude. Just like Lego Batman, just bask is the isolation of the batcave. So in a way, the guest bedroom is now a masturbatorium and it is awesome!
Now being a bit older the need or desire to invite mother thumb and her four daughters over is quite less than it used to be, but it still exists. In thinking back to the college years jacking off was one best and cheapest stress relievers you could ask for. Flogging the dolphin could happen three or more times a day. My crazy ass room mate used to like to blow his load in one particular corner of the apartment. I would get in from class, read: he had been alone for a while, and would immediately hear “Don’t step in the corner over there, a little bit sticky.” To this I would reply “you never heard of toilet paper?” But, no biggie, not like it was in our general pathway. Honestly, nothing was in that corner, so fuck it. It was his thing and I could give two shits less. I do imagine the people that freshen the rooms up after we moved out had to steam clean the fuck out of the carpet in that corner.
I had another friend that would only use socks. He also only did laundry about every six weeks. He must have owned a couple hundred pairs of socks. So, get this mental image in your mind. He always spanked hank in his bedroom. Which is a drastic improvement over jizzing in the living room corner. He also always cleaned up with a sock. He would then take his DNA soaked foot apparel and toss it under his bed. So, think back a few sentences prior, he only did laundry about every six weeks. So there would be this massive mound of socks hardened to a cement like state under his bed. He would then take an army duffle bag and scoop these spooge mops into it. His regular clothes would then be in a second bag. He would load up with both duffle bags over his shoulders and head to the campus coin laundry. This guy would literally load two machines with these crusty nasty fuckers. But once again, to each his own.
My personal clean up implement of choice is toilet paper. Blow a load, wipe it up and flush it away. This just makes the most sense to me. Fuck buying hundreds of socks that would need to be washed. And heaven forbid loading an apartment corner with enough baby batter to completely fuck up the carpet.
Let’s talk about toys. One of my first jobs after college was with a company that had about 600 employees. 90+ % of the staff was female. I quickly found out that when a group of women of that quantity get together sex is a major topic and masturbation was at the top of the list. When the male population at a job site is that low it is like the males are not even there. They would talk about anything. It was awesome! Do not get the impression that I hit on any of the staff there. I had a great job and hitting on the co-workers will get you a quick exit. It did happen there and I wanted no part of it. But back to the topic. The women there LOVED toys. My assistant had one particular toy she discussed in great detail. It was small wand, rechargeable, had a mild heater in it so it would not be cold when she took care of business. She kept this Cadillac of toys in her purse. She even had a name for it, B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend) I later found out this is a pretty common name for toys. At the office she would disappear for periods of time and reappear all smiles. She had apparently found a reclusive restroom in a far off area of the building and would journey off to relieve her work stress. We also did a good bit of traveling together and in one particular city was a fantastic adult toy store. My assistant would get a huge list together from the other ladies, a huge wad of cash and off we would go to the dildo store. I was amazed at the requests of these women, rabbits, bullets, wands and dildos of every shape and size. We had a blast buying all these pussy pleasuring devices.
My personal experience with toys other than using them of my significant other is very limited. For the most part males have everything we need in hand. However, I have tried a few. Pumps are not that great, even the ones that have vibrating action. Never could get off on one of those. The one toy I did find worth while for a bit was a fleshlight. This is a tubular device that has a sleeve made of soft pliable material with a hole or a pussy shaped entrance. I even bought the USB powered heater for this toy so I did not have to stick my cock in a cold mass of jelly. So, here is the scenario. I have decided it is time to fuck the fleshlight. I retrieve it out of the drawer and plug up the warmer. I wait about 15 minutes for it to warm up. Usually during this waiting period I have found some particular piece of porno to help with the upcoming task. Once the toy is warm enough, lube needs to be applied. Only water based lube can be used. Oil based lube will break down the soft material and ruin the fleshlight. It is now fucking time. I grad the tube, insert the now rock hard dick because i have been waiting so long AND watching porn, and go to town. The tube is actually quite large and difficult to keep a grip on. This is especially true if lube was accidentally applied to the outside. So, the fleshlight fucking continues and the lube starts to get sticky, so more lube is applied. Now the tube is cold as fuck! But one must finish the task, the fucking continues. I must say that the tightness and ribbing of the sleeve is quite pleasurable. I mean REALLY pleasurable. If it wasn’t so damn cold it would be perfect. After a few more applications of lube the moment all this effort was for finally arrives and BLAST OFF! The orgasm with one of these fleshlights is really intense. I mean incredibly intense. The tingle monster hits from the intense orgasm but the catch is the toy has to be removed from the cock now and sliding it off of the shaft makes the tingle monster kick into high gear. So now, the party is over. I had a massive orgasm but now there is a problem. I have a sticky tingling dick and a fleshlight full of cum and jelly. It is now cleanup time. So off to the shower. The fleshlight has to be disassembled and washed with mild soap, if something like dish detergent is used it will break down the soft part of the toy. Once the toy is clean and dried it is recommended to use corn starch to help preserve the lining. So now after reading this you have probably arrived at the conclusion that this is a great deal of effort to bust a nut. It is. I only used the fleshlight a few times. Although the orgasms are great it simply not worth the effort.
As I have stated, I am getting older. It would probably be true to say I have gone back to the simpler ways of self pleasure. The frequency has also reduced. Other than three or more times a day like in college it is more like a few times a month. However recently, once I got over the fucking flu, I have found myself choking the chicken more frequently, and it has been great. My new method is to use extra virgin coconut oil, it is amazing. It only takes a small amount. It does not dry out and it feels incredible. It also is good for the skin.
I had other stories I was going to add to this, but I feel that enough material has been covered. Not to mention the Christy Canyon movie I started before I began this blog is about to end and well... 😉 The question may be presented “do I ever rub one out to the material on this site? Hahah, What do you think? I hope you enjoyed this and feel free to add any comment you like. What toys, rituals or any method of self pleasure you may employ. I look forward to hearing from you.
