i_poop_too_much

You know, a year ago I felt things were pretty rock bottomish.

I find it amazing that things can always get worse, and yet I still haven't gotten around to putting that magic bullet in my head.

I mean, seriously, what is my excuse?

The math on it is interesting, though. Two of three closest friends have stabbed me in the back and raped my generosity; of those three only two have been given opportunities to do such a thing to me....lesson? I can trust people until I give them a chance to be untrustworthy. Or I just don't need "friends".

Just because I'm immaterial doesn't mean that I don't have needs or wants for my cash; and I don't mind helping out....but to help yourself to my help? No. NO.

Fucking New Orleans, nothing good ever came of that city for me.

In other news, I managed to twist my wrist so badly that I fractured it and am still unable to use it after several days of healing....I finally get around to working out again, and bam. Gotta put it off again. I'm not supposed to put more than 20 pounds of pressure on the wrist....which is....crap.

It has become clear that I am utterly alone in the universe, and there is no one who will ever truly know me. One day I'll get around to making an entry on how the song "Nutshell" is a perfect fit for me, but in the mean time I've found another haunting song that seems to be written for me:"The World At Large":

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well I'll float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The day's get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't got anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's all about.
But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.