i_am_ghost

I had this dream a few nights ago that sparked a whole lot of shitty thinking and anxiety. Brittany came back to visit for some reason or another. I was just happy that she was there, the reason why she was there never came up. She jokingly laughed about how she cheated on me while she was living here with me, and before she even finished the sentance, i punched her in the head, and did some ugly wrestling move to her which involved me picking her up over my head somehow and slamming her down on her back. I proceeded to tell her to get the fuck out and that I didn't care where she stayed while she was still here but that I never wanted to see her again. I have a vague recollection of seeing her cry for a split second. I hate seeing people cry, especially her. And I'm all weird about crappy little things I did to my little brother when we were small that made him cry. I don't think I've ever been a good brother. I could've been a better son. Definitly a better friend. And obviously a better boyfriend. Generally just a better person, because basically I'm pretty crap. Back to the part where I beat up a chick though... Ok so that WAS just a dream, but it sparked a little 2 line thing from which I hope to write a song around. It goes:

In my dreams I used to be fucking you
Now in my dreams I'm just fucking you up

I wrote it on a tiny piece of paper I found in my pocket while I was taking a dump at work. And I forgot to do my homework for music school tonight, so I pulled that piece of paper out to write something else down on. I was at the customer service desk and three high school girls came up and asked about stocktake, and my profane note was sitting on the desk in eyeshot of these girls, just waiting for them to be corrupted by it.

Those poor, impressionable.... hot little bitches.