On this day 31 years ago, at around 2am, I said hello to my mummy and daddy for the first time.
Today, 31 years on, I experiemced probably my quietest and yet probably most emotionally-draining birthday yet.
I wasn't expecting a lot to be perfectly honest. I knew that it was my first in 6 years alone. My first ever completely alone (as I hadn't yet moved away from my hometown). I hadn't organized to have any time off work because I wouldn't have the money to do anything specific. I had my weekend in Sydney, but I had some other things on my mind.
Last week a friend mentioned to me that ex-girl had contacted her via Facebook, asking whether she knew anybody who could take our cat. At first I was really just angry. Angry that she hadn't considered me, angry at whatever circumstances have lead to her no longer being able to take care of our baby. Then anxious at how slow she was in contacting us back, and then mostly just sad, because it meant that 3 months to the day had past since I had to talk to her last. Since telling her she never needed to contact me again. Maybe she asked a friend so that it would be passed along to me. but in the end I still had to talk to her.
She said something corny about Pepper's "forever home". I replied only "yes I would like to take the cat."
This kinda ruined my weekend. It was always in the back of my mind. I didn't like what was happening, or the way having to talk to her was making me feel.
Last night my brother and his girlfriend went to her house and waited an hour for her to get home from work. I got a text around 7:30 saying they were on their way, followed by a long one from ex-girl about how she felt physically ill having had to give her up. And I felt angry again.
Then when I opened up the cat carrier, instead of hiding at the back or running straight under the couch, she confidently walked out and re-explored the house. She recognised it, but not where the furniture was located. She recognised me 😍 and purred when I picked her up.
It was such a bittersweet moment. So happy to have her back but sad for her that she couldn't be with her mum anymore. She's like a child being ferried between the homes of her divorced parents.
I slept 0 hours last night. With the light on and the bedroom door open, I was up every time she meowed to make sure she was ok. I got out of bed and left for work this morning and she wouldn't come out to say goodbye, so all day I was anxious about her not coping. She wasn't eating either. Then after the longest tiredest day, a birthday with no loved ones to share it with, I got home and she was still under the couch and wouldn't come out. Love me cat, it's my birthday!
Eventually I dragged her out. She was fine then. Wanted to lay in my lap. Played with me when I got her toys out and when I razzed her up. All that I need now is a proper sleep. I gave her the opportunity to sleep in here but she wanted to get out, and now she is jumping up at the door.
I'm going to be a recluse with my cat now. My fate has already been decided. I'm a crazy cat man.
