I might write a sad blog, you know, for something different.
I've always been a "relationship" kind of guy. So much so that my standards are unrealistically high and I can go for years between girlfriends because I pass up the opportunities that are right in front of my face just because they don't feel exactly right.
It's been less than two months since I stopped being the relationship guy and became the single guy again. And it's particularly hard because I don't have a lifetime of friends around me that I can call upon at any time, just to do friend things, and be the distraction. When you're in a long-term relationship you tend to accidentally neglect those connections. The strong ones are there when you come out the other side but the medium and weak ones are not. And I'm finding myself in a massive city with seemingly no-one in it compared to if I were back at home.
When you're used to sharing every minute with someone, it's hard to fall out of that habit. I find myself looking for connections, even though I am in no state to be seeking out anything serious or intense just yet. I would never rule it out if it came along and blossomed. But I continue to look for something profound within someone to connect with and try to make them meet my criteria.
What I should be doing, is not worrying about their imperfections. I am not going to marry someone based on brief initial encounters with them. I should just have fun, shouldn't I? I spent 5 years doing just that though - having fun. And it can only mean that I took it for granted that I am not continuing to have that same level of fun right now.
There are fun components the night of. It is not so much fun, but awkward, in the morning. The flirting, the banter, the cat and mouse games are fun, the drunk texts are fun. The parts about someone that make you cringe because they aren't compatible are not.
Feeling like you need to fix people is not fun.
No one needs fixing if they are happy with who they are. They need fixing when they don't fit who you want them to be. And that, ladies and gentleman, is an epiphany I just now had.
But does not having to fix someone mean you shouldn't just be content with the broken pieces of people that they are? If only for brief moments in time? Can't those bits and pieces be the right pieces for the right times?
I don't know the answers. I am a simple man and I just want someone's head in my lap while we watch Star Wars.
