So it's been just over a full week now of being "single".
I don't know what's better or worse. That first weekend I sat at home by myself on the couch eating pizza and cake and feeling sorry for myself. Since Sunday night, she's been at home and we just sit around and do things like we normally would do. We eat together and watch the same shows and talk about or days. And the whole time she was away I was constantly checking for Facebook updates from her to see what she's doing in case her reasons for wanting to break up were actually man reasons. But that whole time I was just so alone and so lonely not having my best friend around. But with her here, I don't really understand what's going on. It's like we're back to normal but she sleeps in a different bed and I'm not allowed to smack her on the butt when I walk past her.
I don't know at what point there's a "shit or get off the pot" point, where she comes to her senses and gets back in to our bed, or stops taking advantage of me and gets her shit and moves out. I don't know where she is going to go. I pay all the bills around here while she studies. I feel like if she was so sure that this is what she wanted to do she should have had a plan.
I had some good advice yesterday, and that was to take the time to be happy with being by myself. Not to sit around on the couch at home eating pizza and cake, but doing things. Pick the things I love to do and do them, and be happy doing them by myself. For the past week I have been looking for new people to fill the void that she left, so I can share the experiences of the things I want to do with someone. I can do these by myself though, right?
It starts this weekend.
